Love Letters
by LovebirdsJATE
Summary: A depressed spinal surgeon becomes pen pals with a lonley dog washer... Its written mostly in letters, probably like no other Jate fic you've ever read.
1. Chapter 1: Dear Kate Austen

**Jack is depressed a spinal surgeon in L.A. Kate is a lonley dog washer in San Jose. They become pen pals and...well...why don't you read to find out?**

Jack started down at his jell-o. It was full, red, and shaking in Jacks hands. It was a Monday morning; part of Jacks usual shift, but what was not usual was him sitting in the hospital cafeteria with his supervisor talking about Jacks depression.

Lance, the supervisor had approached him first thing that morning, before Jack even got a chance to check his schedule for the day. Lance had said this was more important. He took Jack to the cafeteria, bought him a jell-o and a ham sandwich and sat down in one less busy corner of the dining hall.

"Is this about a girl?" Lance asked.

Jack scoffed loudly. "I haven't gone out with a girl since last year." Jack told him.

Lance paused. "It could still be about a girl, not having a girl maybe? Or not having a girl you really, really want." He had a squeaky voice like a five year old and it irritated Jack.

"No, no this isn't about…not a girl. I'm not even depressed." Jack argued.

"You are, and you are seeing a therapist."

"I am not seeing a therapist!" Jack's father had been depressed when Jack had first started working at St. Sebastian Hospital. His dad, Christian, had taken depression pills that his therapist had subscribed. The therapist had been fired and made Christian think more about his problems, this lead to drug misuse and alcohol abuse. Christian had overdosed on drugs 5 years ago and passed away. The last thing Jack was going to do was see a therapist.

"Okay, I thought that might happen." Lance said nodding his head understandingly.

"Pills?" Jack guessed.

"No, no. Pen pal."

Jack raised his eyebrows, surprised. Twelve year olds with no friends had pen pals, not 35 year old doctors.

Lance began to explain. "Look, when I was depressed," Jacks jaw dropped. "what? Only Shepard's get depressed? When I was depressed I got a pen pal and it works Jack. I recommend it to all of the doctors and nurses when therapy doesn't work."

"You didn't recommend it to my dad." Jack challenged, his shock of Lance's depression wearing off. It didn't surprise him, lots of the doctors and nurses became depressed at Sebastian's, it happened at all of the hospitals.

"I did, he refused."

"I refuse as well."

"If you refuse this as well as a therapist you get suspended." Lance said grimily.

"I…I'll come to work anyways."

"Then you'll get fired." Lance then reached for his bag and pulled out a sheet of paper. It had a name an address on it. "That's her mailing address. I highly suggest Jack." With that, he left.

_Kate Austen_

_5667 Redfield Avenue_

_San Jose, CA, USA 7888_

_*_

Kate was lying on the green, velvet couch of her condo she shared with her cousin, Claire and Claire's baby, Aaron. She was lonely. Claire was out with a date who also had a baby and Kate was home, alone, missing her old boyfriend, Sawyer. Kate mentally hit herself, and then she really hit herself. She sat up and started at the wall opposite her.

"Kate, you stupid, stupid girl," she said. "Sawyer was a complete ass and you know it! Just because you haven't been single in three whole years does not mean you can just go running back to him!"

The door bell rang. Kate got up and shuffled to the door. She opened it and saw that it was empty; however, walking down the steps was a mail man. Kate reached down and scooped up the mail. She walked back in, shutting the door and locking it. Kate began to the skim through the mail. There was a bill, a bill, junk mail, bill, junk mail, junk mail, bill, and a real letter. Kate paused. She started at it, it was addressed to her. Kate sat down on the couch and set the other mail down next to her. She read the return address with curiosity and excitement.

_Jack Shephard_

_999 __Francis Drake__ Road_

_Los Angeles, CA, USA 1298_

_Jack Shephard? _Kate thought, she didn't know a Jack Shephard. She sniffed the package and, decied it was safe and opened it. There was a letter written on ripped paper with a coffee stain waiting for her inside. Kate smiled and opened it.

_Dear Kate Austen,_

_My name is Jack Shephard, I hope this letter reaches you well if it reaches you at all. I'm a doctor at St. Sebastians Hospital in L.A. I am 35 years old, single and…well..okay I'll get to the point. I'm depressed. My supervior gave me your name and shipping adress and told me that having a pen pal really helps people with depression. So, does, apparently, therapy but I won't do that. _

_I'm not really depressed I don't think. I mean, just…I really don't know. _

_I'll understand if you don't want me to write to you or anything, I can understand, you might be about 13 years old and haven't hit puberty yet. No offense if you are. No offense if you aren't. Oh no, I wish I hadn't written that and I've written in pen. I have to go to sugery in a few minutes and if I don't give this letter to my superviors to mail in about 2 minutes he's gunna kill me. _

_Oh opps! Sorry about the coffee stain. I really will understand if you don't want me to be your pen pal now. Oh wow, this is an awful letter. I must sound horrible and self consious. Haha. Well, write me back and if I don't receive a letter in two months I'll completely understand._

_Sincerely,_

_Dr. Jack Shephard._

Kate burst out laughing when she read the letter and immeditaly ran to responde, she liked him already.

**Okay, so theres the first chapter! Now, this story is FINISHED. I have it completely and totally typed out. It is 52 pages in TNR font size 12. So, if I get the reviews, you get the story. No questions asked. I hope you guys liked it!:D**


	2. Chapter 2: Dear Dr Jack Shephard

"Oh, Jaaacck!" Lance called springing into Jacks office. Jack looked up and saw Lance holding a yellow envelope. Jack grinned. He set the letter down on Jacks table and pranced out. Jack opened the letter and saw that Kate had written on paper with a coffee stain.

_Dear Dr. Jack Shephard,_

_No, please do write me! I've waiting for a pen pal for weeks and you seem like a very plesant man! A little silly maybe, but definatly someone I'd like! And don't worry I'm not offened that you called me a 13 year old girl who hasn't puberty. Hahahaha. I'm not. I'm 26, I work as a dog groomer in San Jose. Well, obviously you know that, having that adress and what not. I'm single as well. I just broke up with my boyfriend of three years, Sawyer. _

_So, you are depressed huh? Is it about a girl you don't have? Or one you want but can't get? Is she married? Engaged? A lesbian? That would suck, being in love with a lesbian. I'm not a lesbian by the way. Haha. If its not about a girl is it that someone died? Or you aren't happy with your job?Maybe you feel something is missing in your life?_

_I live with my cousin and she's a therapist and my best friend. So if you have any questions feel free to ask and I'll forward her response. I mean, if you want to write back to me and all. I completely understand if you don't want to. Oh I sound a lot like you don't I? I guess that's not really a bad thing. I could sound worse couldn't I? _

_Have you gone on any anti depressants?_

_As you can see I split some coffee on here just for you! So you wouldn't feel bad about spilling yours. Well…okay actually I did by accident. Lets pretend I did so you wouldn't feel bad okay? Haha. _

_Anyways, I should stop yapping and let you decied if you want to respond to me or not. If I don't get a letter in within two months I'll get the message. _

_Sincerely, delightfully, helpfully,_

_Kate Austen_

Jack grinned as he read through Kates letter. Maybe this pen pal thing wasn't such a bad idea after all. Jack picked up a pen and was about to respond when his phone rang and he was called to sugery.

*

A few weeks later Claire brought Kate a letter. "It's the one you've been antipating! He repsonded! The mysterious, depressed doctor!" She giggled and handed Kate the letter.

_Dea__ Kate,_

_I hope you don't mind me using just your first name. I think we both are going to be writing for each for now so I thought it was a good idea for us both to get more…comfortable? But if one of us decieds to stop writing to the other, we should definatly tell each other first. Because that's only fair, then we can properly say goodbye._

_Why did you dump your boyfriend? If you don't mind me asking._

_And no, it isn't a girl, or a dead person, or being unhappy work that makes me feel depressed. I think it kind of might be a girl. Well…I don't really know how to put this. I kind of feel old. Like, my best friend is getting married and another friend is married with kids…actually a lot of my friends are married with kids. And I'm not. I'm missing out on life and every girl I find I just can't…she isn't the one. I can tell._

_I did meet a girl though. Ana –Lucia. I did a surgery on her brother, he lived and she was very happy and took me to dinner. She seems nice. _

_And I won't do anti depressants…my dad did those as well as going to a therapist…_

_Oh and thank you for the coffee stain! I laughed after seeing it. Well actually, I laughed later, cause I got called into surgery litteraly the second after reading your slightly detailed goodbye. I liked that by the way. Extremely creative! I smeared a little chococlate on this letter for you. I love chocolate, don't you? I have to say over all things its my guilty pleasure. Well, except sex. Okay wait. That's not guitly. Hahaha. _

_Well anyways, I better get going, Ana asked me to go see a movie with her. _

_Sincerely, depressedly,_

_Jack_

Kate frowned while reading it. She wondered about his father. Kate pulled out some paper and pen and began to hurriedly write a letter back. She decided to ignore that he asked about Sawyer. She just wasn't ready to talk about it yet. She'd tell him the next time he asked.

*

_Dear Jack,_

_I asked Claire, and she said that admitting to yourself and others that you are depressed is a big step. I hope you realize that. That could be a very good sign! I assume that writing sincerely, depressedly,, means that you admit you are? ,_

_Thanks for the chocolate! I looooove chocolate. Dark chocolate is the best. Its so mysterious and kinky. It is absolute bliss. Have you seen the commercials for that kind of chocolate? The Bliss brand of chocolate I mean. Dirty huh? Haha. Oh well, sex and chocolate are the two world wonders aren't they?_

_Hey, do you get laid often? That could be part of the depression. I'd be depressed if I didn't get laid often._

_How was your time with Ana? I'd love to hear more about her, if she's making you happier then she must be a great girl._

_I also hope you don't mind me asking but…what happened with your dad? If you don't feel comfortable telling me I understand completely, My parents are a little…messed up to._

_Anyways, I have to go to work. I hope you start feeling better soon Jack._

_Guiltily, but blissfully,_

_Kate._

Jack read the letter with a big grin on his face. He loved getting letters from her and hearing from her. She was really great and he thought maybe if they met in person he could really care about her. Not that he'd tell her that.

**Next Time: Jack and Kate talk about love...and sex. **


	3. Chapter 3: Open A Vein

_Dear Kate,_

_This will probably be a very short letter; I want to respond quickly, so I will make this short. I need to go to work very soon also._

_I think what Claire said about admitting it is right. I have been starting to feel better about myself a little. Well, no not really like that. But it does feel better to be able to admit that I am depressed. Less stress full, denial is horrible._

_And, yes, I have seen the commercials. I love them. The first one I saw was the women writing down her first time eating the chocolate and I did really think she was talking about sex. I thought "What on earth am I watching? Did I accidentally order a porn channel or something." It really confused me. Haha, not a hard thing to do though. Even though I am a doctor. Science is crystal clear, every day life just baffles me._

_I nearly died laughing when I saw your question. And no, since I left my wife I haven't really gotten laid that much. Yeah, I used to be married. Don't think I'm depressed about her though. That was years ago. I was 21 when I married her and divorced her when I was 23. We met when I was 21. Ahhhh. I know what you are thinking "Woooow. Jack. Everyday life does baffle you." But it felt right at the time. We soon both realized that we just didn't care for each other that way and are now just friends. _

_I know that 12 years of not getting laid seems like…well…a lot. But I _did_ get laid. Just never more then say, 3 or 4 times a year? You must think I'm pretty weird now. But I'll have you know I am great in bed. I'm just not the kind of guy who loves to go off and have meaningless sex with girls you know? I like something serious and compact. It makes it soooo much hotter. Ha._

_Ana's been great. She's a cop and always has an interesting story to … tell. She's been really supportive about me being depressed. I don't really feel…you know…that…well connected to her yet. I think she likes me a little bit more then I like her. But sometimes it takes time to fall for someone right? She's really pretty to. Well, not drop dead gorgeous, like Catherine Zeta Jones or Audrey Hepburn. She's got long black curly hair to her shoulders, she's pretty curvy, and has giant boobs. Not Pamela Anderson big but big enough. She never wears any make up and she has a some what masculine face. Wow, I sound awful. She may not beautiful _beautiful_. But she'll do. And she's a pretty great girl, so that has to count for something right? _

_As for my dad, well. Long story short. He was pretty shitty father. He never really cared about me and I know that I was always disappointment in his eyes. I'd do anything to impress him and make him happy. I always wanted to become a doctor, and I wanted to become a spinal surgeon, which I am, to look success full in his eyes. He was a spinal surgeon as well. But no matter how hard I tried he would always tell me I could do better, or that I wasn't trying hard enough. It was really rough for me growing up. My mom was a pain as well. She could never stand up for me or for herself. But my dad loved her a lot, that was for sure. When I divorced Sarah he got really mad and wouldn't speak to me for like a year. Really, everything he wanted to know about me found out from people at work and from my mom. Who hated Sarah from the beginning, so she was happy I divorced her. Anyways, about 6 years ago my dad got depressed and went to therapy. His therapist was the only person he could talk to, he wouldn't tell me, his best friends, or my mom anything. And used to tell my mom _absolutely everything._ Anyways, his therapist gave him anti—depressants and those back fired. So he just got more depressed. Pretty soon my mom and my dads boss decided he couldn't go to his therapist anymore. They were the ones who made him go. And he got really ticked and he got worse. He started doing drugs and became an alcoholic. He died of over dosing on heroin the next year. I really do miss him. I love him. But at his funeral his old therapist told me that in their sessions my dad said the reason he was depressed was because he was so disappointed with me. It really, really hurts to know that._

_Man, I feel like an idiot with all this tear drops on my letter. I understand if you don't really want to write with someone who cries like an old sap. That sounded kind of dumb. But yet again I have chosen to write in pen. You'd think I'd learn wouldn't you? Nope. Not Jack Shephard. _

_But enough about me. We always talk about me. You must have something you want to say. Why'd you get a pen pal anyways? How's your job going? Any special someone's in your life? You never mention anyone…well…except for your old boyfriend. We can talk about it if you want. I feel kind of bad for forcing you to talk about me and my problems all the time._

_So, I guess this wasn't a very short letter. Haha. Wow. Its actually quite long. Woooo. But I have to go. Ana just called and said she's coming over for dinner. Kind of rude, but hey, she's nice. Hopefully she won't notice anything wrong._

_Embarrassedly, Sadly,_

_Jack._

Kate cried while reading his letter. She started to feel resentment toward Ana and didn't know why. But if Ana helped him with his problems that was all that mattered. Although, she wouldn't mind being the one he had to console in. She could barely believe what his poor guy had been through. Jack seemed like an amazing man and she was shocked he had such a rough life. She was determined to make sure he knew this through her next letter.

*

_Dear Jack,_

_I'm so glad to hear that the stress of denying you are depressed is gone! I'm very proud of you!_

_What you wrote about the chocolate made me giggle and say "awwwwww" out loud! And please "Did I order a porn channel by accident?" You know you secretly have about 6. Haha, No, I'm kidding…or am I?_

_I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but I am glad to hear that you are still friends with her! A clean break up is a good break up!_

_Only 3 or 4 times a year? Oh, Jack. But it is nice to know that not all men just want meaningless sex with strangers. Don't worry, you'll get laid soon? Maybe with Ana?_

_I see you go for brunettes. I'm a brunette myself. Haha. But moving along…._

_I was surprised to see that you had put such…none slutty actresses down. Most guys would have put something like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan. Someone they can screw, as beautiful. But you actually put down people who are truly beautiful. Kudo points for Jack!_

_Jack I am so, so, so, so, SO, sorry to hear about your father. I really am. No one needs to go through with that. I don't think you are a disappointment. I may not know you that well, but by the sounds of you, you are a great guy who just needs someone or something in his life, to look forward to, to make him happy. Something to love and something to love him back. That's what you deserve. Did you ever think that maybe you dad was just trying to encourage you to work harder? To make you not lazy? Make you feel like you are a disappointment so that you will strive it be the best you can be all the time? Maybe the reason he had told his therapist he was disappointed in you was because he was. He was disappointed that he hadn't raised to the best of his ability. Maybe he thought he should have raised a happier son, or a son who realized that he is a great guy. I don't see why someone should be disappointed with you. You seem to have a successful career, and being disappointed you divorced Sarah is stupid. Everyone has the right to purist happiness (That is my FAVORITE movie!!!). Especially you, Jack Shephard._

_And I used to have a boyfriend. Sawyer his name was. I was dating him for 3 years and then we broke up like… 6 months ago? I still miss him a little. It is getting pretty hard being single. And I'll admit to it. I haven't been laid for 6 months. At least it's not as bad as you, Mr. No Bone. Haha. I'm sorry, that was kind of mean. But funny at the same time. Hehe._

_And my job is my life. I love it. I love working with the animals. They are hilarious and so cute. Do you have any pets? I want to get a dog so bad but my salary doesn't allow it quite yet. Hopefully it will if I get a promotion or something. I hear animals can make people feel better. Maybe get a goldfish for you office? Or a dog? Something?_

_And that was quite along letter! You are not a sap for crying. You are human. Most girls appreciate a guy who can cry! How was Ana?_

_Believing in you,_

_Kate._

Kate re-read her letter twice. She hoped she didn't sound like a 8 year old girl with a crush. Kate was just about to change her ending, erasing the part about Ana. She didn't really care about Ana when she caught sight of her watch. She was 50 minutes late for work! Kate yelped and ran to go to work, but stopping to mail the letter on the way there.

*

When Jack got Kate's letter he was slightly surprised. She seemed to really care about him. And he liked it. He really did care about her as well. He noticed how little she asked about Ana, after he had given a detailed description at her request, and how much time she took to console him. He enjoyed it. He also noticed what she wrote at the end of the letter. _Believing in you._

Jack grinned. He looked up from where he sat at Starbucks and Ana sat down. She started hard at him. His smile faded. "Ana…" He trailed off. "Do you think that…I will over come my depression? Do you believe in me?" He asked. Ana frowned.

"I don't know. Why? Anything can happen. You could commit suicide. Or you could get better. Depression is scary." She said, not sympathetically, but kind of harshly. She eyed the faded purple and crumply paper in Jacks hands.

"If I told you that you believing in me could make me feel better would you tell me that you did?" He asked.

"I'm not going to lie to you Jack." Ana looked at all the other letters scattered across the table. Jack liked to read the last one Kate sent and try to remember how he responded before reading the next one she sent. Ana picked up the one on yellow stationary paper. Kate enjoyed using colorful and interesting paper for her letters. Jack saw she picked the letter where Kate asked him how many times he got laid. "Who is this?" She asked suspiciously.

"I have to have a pen pal for work, for my depression. This is who they picked. She's really great." He told her. Ana picked up the other letters and began shuffling through them.

"Don't rip them." Jack said. Ana stopped and looked up at him but then began shuffling through them.

"You two seem close."

"We are getting there." He said. Ana paused her slightly aggressive shuffling.

"You mentioned me to her?" She asked happily.

"Yeah, she doesn't seem very interested in you though." Jack said kind of rudely. Ana wasn't his girlfriend and he didn't want her getting any ideas. Ana glared at him. "We aren't dating, Ana." He reminded her. Ana glared harder. "What?" He asked.

"Whatever…come on…we are late for the movies." She said and stormed out. Jack rolled his eyes, he slowly and carefully gathered up Kate's letters. He tucked them safely in his coat, right over his heart and went to the movies with Ana. He knew Ana had seen how cautious he was with the letters and where he had stashed them, cause she glowered right at them through his coat before and after the movie. And the whole movie Jack was aware of how much that bothered him and even though Ana kept trying to hold his hand he kept thinking about what he next letter to Kate would be.


	4. Chapter 4: Ultimatum

Kate hurried into work, out of breath, red in the face, her clothing a mess. She saw her boss standing in the door, looking furious. Kate was suddenly over come with a sense of dread. She ran up to her boss and began to explain. "Please don't be mad. I got caught up writing to Jack, you know the great guy I was telling you about?! He really needed me to write back! I had to! I'm sorry I'm late! I really am!"

"Save it, Kate!" Her boss's voice boomed. Kate winced. "I am sick of you! You are almost always late!"

"I am not!" Kate protested. But her boss raised her hand, it was painted with black nail polish and six or seven rings on it. But she had the standard 5 fingers. "Please, I love this job!"

"I thought getting you a pen pal would take your mind off of Sawyer but it seemed to work to well! I can't put up with this Kate. You are FIRED. You can pick up your last pay check tomorrow. Get out!" Kate stood in place gasping for air and tried to think straight. She walked home in tears and collapsed on her couch. Although Claire was there, rubbing her back and consoling her, Kate wished Jack were here and prayed his next letter would arrive soon. She would have sent him a letter sooner, crying her heart out, but she wanted to get one from first.

Which it did, in fact, only a week after she was fired.

_Dear Kate,_

_Okay, I'll admit to it. I rent porn. I'm a guy who never gets laid. What can I say? I can't help it. If you can admit you haven't for 6 months I can admit to that. But most guys do it anyways so whatever. _

_And don't count on me getting jiggy with Ana. She got hold of some of your letters. Well of them but the last one. She seemed so ticked off by it. I dunno, I kind of felt ticked off that she was reading them…they are supposed to be private you know? And…I guess…it's not just because I'm depressed that I was ticked off. This may sound really weird but part of the reason they seem private is cause they are with you? Does that sound weird? Or creepy?_

_So you are brunette? Me to. Brunette are just sex gods all around. Well…maybe not Ana. She has vibe from her that tells me she stinks in bed. You know?_

_It made me all warm and fuzzy inside to think that you think of me that way. I mean, wow. You barely know me but I really appreciate that you think that. It feels nice to have someone think you are really good person. To care about you like that, or to put so much thought into you personal life. I guess…when you are someone's personal life, it is kind of necessary. Or do you just do that cause you want to?_

_MR. NO BONE?! EXCUSE ME. BUT I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THAT IS COMPLETELY NOT…okay wait a second. Lets not finish that sentence….ever. Or you'll start calling me Mr. Random Bone…but nice, Kate, thank you. I can feel the caring and support you give me for my lack of sex life. Haha, just pulling your leg…or am I?_

_I'm sorry to hear about you and Sawyer. What happened? He was probably a big ass cake. Ass cake???? Okay. Ass hole. Ass hole stick. He probably didn't deserve you._

_I'm glad you like your job so much! I don't own a pet. But I did buy a goldfish for my office! I've named her Katie. Wow. I just realized how creepy that is. Again…I've written in pen…Ugh. Well…if you think it is creepy just tell me…_

_I may get a dog, not sure yet though. Any suggestions?_

_Wish you best, feeling a little bit better, (could you tell in the letter?),_

_Jack_

Kate read the letter, and wrote back saying what had happened at work. Then mailed, and went then wrote again the next day about her actual response to his letter.

_*_

When he got two letters from Kate he was surprised. He opened one that on the back said "Jack, read this one first, I wrote it first." The other one said. "Now, read this one."

Jack ripped the first one open in concern. It had tear drops all over it, and places where she had scratched words out.

_Dear Jack,_

_I can't believe it…I've been fired._

_I was late for work. I can't believe it._

_I was writing my letter to you._

_That's why I was late._

There was a large scribble mark.

_It's not your fault. Don't you dare think for one second it's your fault. I was so worried about you that I just got consumed writing the letter._

_Don't you dare blame yourself Jack Shephard. I know that's what you are doing._

Another couple lines were scribbled out.

_That is what friends are for._

_But I do feel awful. I feel terrible for loosing my job. I want to die. It meant everything to me. I feel sick to my stomach. This hurt worse then when I broke up with Sawyer._

_Now I'll never get a dog._

_Ugh, Jack, what do I do?_

_Please give me some kind of advice if you can._

_I hope you can read this okay._

_I'm crying a lot._

_I HATE THIS._

_UGH!_

_SHE told me to get a pen pal!_

_I do!_

_And she FIRES ME FOR IT!_

_Why?_

_How is that even fair?_

_God, this HURTS!_

_And get this!_

_She told me to so I could get over Sawyer!_

_And she used that against me to! To fire me!_

_Ugh god, I want to throw up._

_Please right back SOON._

_Scared, upset, sad, hurting,_

_Kate._

Jack had tears in his eyes as he read the letter. He didn't think so much emotion could be portrayed through such little amount of words. He wanted to write her a letter but ripped open the other one.

_Dear Jack,_

_I'm not feeling much better, but please write back soon. Now I'll properly respond to your last letter._

_Renting porn is normal. Especially if you are man. Kudos on being normal. Ha. Unless you are a porn addict! Weeeirrrddd._

_You let her read my letters? I'm not mad. Just surprised, I don't let anyone read yours. But I guess…since…you said they are private with me…I can forgive you. Hehe. It doesn't sound sneaky at all Jack. It sounds adorably sweet. I bet you are such a romantic guy. Now that may have sounded creepy._

_And yes, I know that vibe Ana gives you. My son of bitch boss had that vibe. Ass cake. (hehe!)_

_Of course I think of you that way, Jack. You do seem like a really great guy. And I try to be honest with people on a regular basis. I have never once been dishonest in our letters and never will be. Cause I do care about you. I write because I want to, and I care. I'm glad to hear I'm part of your personal life._

_OH MY GOD! Mr. Random Bone! I love that. I nearly died laughing when I heard. Thank you for the much needed comic reliefe! I love that…Mr. Random Bone…hehehehe_

_I think the fact that you named your fish Katie is a little creepy. But the sweetness and cuteness of that wins over the creepiness so keep her named Katie. Why don't you send me a picture of her sometime?_

_I broke up with Sawyer cause I found he was cheating on me with his ex WIFE, yes wife, Cassidy. How sick is that? See, he was married to her and…I…well…I had a crush on him. And then he went on a trail separation with her, BEFORE he even went out with me! And we started dating and I fell so in love with him. He was really sweet, funny and seemed to care about me. Not to mention good in bed. Then he got divorced from Cassidy and we went for two years. I was totally and absolutely in love with him. Then he started acting funny and one day I walked in one him with his wife in our apartment. He said he wanted to get back together with her because she was pregnant with his baby. I miss him even though he's a jerk. I hate it and I hate myself, and him for it. Stupid sounding eh?_

_And yes, Jack! I could tell you were feeling happier in the letter! I'm really glad to see that! I'm proud of you! It wasn't because of Ana was it? How are things going with that? Is she becoming your special girl? Have you guys…gone to the next level? You know, like kissed? Made out? Extera, extera?_

_I hope my first letter didn't make you feel worse, Jack. I really just…I just wanted to help and it's my fault I got consumed by the time. You didn't sit me there and force me to write, did you? It's not your fault. It's mine._

_Still really, really, upset,_

_Kate._

Jack sat back in the chair. And forced his own tears back. Her letter made him feel worse already. He had told this girl things he had never told anyone else and now he horrible. It was like hitting your best friend in the stomach. Jack gulped back his sob and tried to remain calm. "You did not make her loose her job. You did not make her loose her job. You did not make her loose her job." Jack chanted over and over again in his head until he was convinced he didn't and then he realized what he should do.

Just then his office door banged in and in walked Ana. She was red in the face and looked ticked off. Crap. Jack wiped at his eyes.

"Why didn't you answer your cell?" She snapped. Jack glanced at his phone. He had six missed calls. Jack was shocked. He hadn't even heard it ring.

"Sorry…I was reading this." He gulped. Ana snatched it out of his hands and grabbed the other one.

"You are crying because of her? Because she lost her job?" Ana looked over the letter. "What kind of vibe do I give you?" She glared at him. Jack shrugged. "Are you…are you in love with her, Jack?" Ana asked. Jack laughed out loud. "I'll take that as a no…" She scanned the letter again. "I don't want you writing her anymore. Not ever." She said simply. Jack gaped at her.

"Excuse me?!" Jack snatched the letters from her.

"You heard me. You are becoming obsessed with her. You are crying because of someone you don't even know. It's weird." She said, her voice and body language showed she was ready for a fight. "Me or her, Jack."


	5. Chapter 5: Call Me

Kate opened her front door and saw a mail man standing there holding a package out. She frowned. It wasn't that large but it was big enough. Kate frowned and signed for it and then went inside and checked to make sure it was from Jack. She ripped it open and saw inside was his next letter and numerous different boxes of chocolate! Including Bliss. Kate grinned and started to eat the darkest chocolate she could find while reading Jacks letter.

_Dear Kate,_

_Please stop crying. I hate to think you are upset. That makes me upset. And I've convinced myself that I am not to blame in this situation. It took some work but I got there. Your ex boss is a bastard. I hope they burn for that._

_Kate listen, a job does not define you. It never will. YOU DEFINE YOU. You are AMAZING. Believe me. I can kind of be a picky guy about people sometimes. And if I really didn't like you I wouldn't keep writing. Okay? Never think that with out this job you aren't still as great as you are. Loosing your job opens so many new windows, Kate. Think of what you could do now. You could start your OWN dog grooming business. It might take some money but I believe that you could do it. I believe in you, Kate, just like you believe in me. You're too good for any other job anyways; you deserve your own business, okay? Don't cry, don't throw up, don't want to die, don't hurt, cause you shouldn't. Your old job should because they lost you._

_I sent a picture of Katie. She's cute isn't she? Well…as cute as a gold fish could be. It's nice to have her in my office; like you are with me or something…it kind of…supports me._

_Sawyer is a dick. That's all there is to it. He doesn't deserve you and he'll burn in hell for doing that to you. That's pretty much all there is to it. He's an asshole and he really lost one of the best things that'll ever happen to him. You don't need him._

_I'm glad you liked "Mr. Random Bone." And it's not like that. It's not like…"Oh! A plant! Oh crap, not again…" Or something! That's weird._

_And well…this may sound really out there Kate…but Ana…she said I can't write letters to you anymore…and that I have to pick either her or you. I thought about there's really no competition. Of course I'm picking you. You would never give me that kind of ultimatum…and that shows that you care about me, a lot more then she cares about me. But anyways…I felt like you didn't like her or something. Like…you were…oh I dunno…jealous? Haha._

_Anyways, I have to go grocery shopping. I know, my Friday nights are exciting!_

_But Kate look…if you need to call me to talk here's my number okay?_

_1-990-887-4567_

_Caring and concerned for you, _

_Jack._

_P.S. Hope you like the chocolate! _

Kate started to feel a lot better after reading Jacks letter. He really did seem genuinely care about her. However, the fact that he was so caring for her scared Kate a little. They had been writing letters to each other for how long? Four months now? She didn't want to fall head over heels for him quite yet. Kate sighed and rubbed her forehead and started to write a response.

*

_Dear Jack,_

_Thank you for caring so much about me, I really appreciate the support._

_I've got a new job. I'm Claire's assistant at her therapist building place thing…_

_It's kind of an overwhelming job, as much as I like it. All the people who come in all upset and still leave upset. It is really hard to see but I like to help them and make them happier sometimes. Anyways, I'm taking you advice and I plan to start my own dog grooming business! I am so excited! Do you have any ideas what I could call it?_

_Katie is so cute for goldfish…I can't help but wonder…is her owner as cute? Wow…I can't believe I just asked that. Oh god._

_Thanks for what you said about Sawyer, Jack. I'm really pleased about it. That you think of me that way I mean. It just kind of…makes me feel really good about myself. It is nice to know that not all guys out there are complete jerks, and can think highly of a girl._

_I can't believe Ana did that to you! That's horrible! No matter what the situation is, you shouldn't do that to someone. Wow, Jack, I'm really sorry. But I am really, really, really glad that you picked me over her. Haha, I'm blushing here. But anyways…yeah, I am glad you picked me._

_Me? Jealous? Please…be serious…okay…well…_

_I said I'd be honest in all the letters…so…yeah I guess I am a little…hehe…_

_Don't worry, I think grocery shopping on a Friday, is seeeeexxxyyy. Haha._

_Me? Call you? I think it would be the other way around. Here, if you need to call me. Here's my number._

_1-991-787-9657_

_Oh, and I loved the chocolate! That was very sweet and slightly…romantic of you. You know how to woe a girl, don't you?_

_Feeling much, much better and appreciating her pen pal,_

_Kate_

Jack smiled at her letter and was shocked by how good it felt for him, just reading a letter from her. He saw her number and glanced at the phone. What did she mean by if he needs to call her? Jack decided he'd know to call her if he needed to. Suddenly, his phone rang. Jack jumped up and answered it. "Hello? Kate?" He gasped. It was the front desk.

"Jack, we need you in the E.R, now!" Jack slammed down the phone, sensing the panic in the secretary's voice.

*

That night Kate was lying in bed, dead a sleep and the phone rang loudly. Kate sat up and answered it. "Hello?" She asked groggily.

"Kate?" A voice gasped. Kate frowned and rubbed her forehead. "Kate, is that you?"

"Who is this?" Kate asked tiredly.

"Kate, its Jack Shephard." Jack's voice sounded strained and sore. Kate froze. She breathed in quickly. "Kate? Kate? I need to talk to you. I feel like I'm going to kill myself."

"Jack!" Kate gasped. "Don't you dare do that, Jack Shephard!" Kate barked. She heard Jack sob very lightly on the other end of the telephone line. "Tell my why you feel like this?" She asked.

"I lost…I lost a whole family today, Kate." Jack whimpered. "A whole family but a little boy. Just one little boy. He's only four, and he won't even get to walk away from the hospital, Kate. I lost his mom and his dad and…" Suddenly there was a loud retching sound and Kate realized Jack had thrown up. She felt tears mounding in her eyes as she realized just how special this man was. He cared _so_ much. He deserved better then what he was going through. A lot better. "God, and his sister and brother. How could that happen?" He whispered and Kate heard him sob lightly again. "How could _I_ let that happen?" He sobbed. "I could have saved them, Kate! I could of, and now…now I have to go to work tomorrow and tell that little boy he won't be able to walk anymore and his whole family is dead. Oh…" Jack started to throw up again. "It's my fault, Kate." He whispered. "I want to die. There were other surgeons there to…I totally screwed it up. It is my fault they are dead. If I hadn't been so god damn eager to help and hadn't gotten in the way…"

"No!" Kate cried. There was silence on Jack's end. "Jack, listen to me. This Kate. Kate is here, okay? You don't want to anything. Just cry it out, okay?" She said. "Believe me…you can't just…you can't." She paused. "Jack, that boy has his life. That is worth the world. You saved a little boy his life. He gets to grow up and go to school, fall in love, and succeed in life. Just because he can't walk doesn't mean his life is over, Jack. You couldn't help not saving his family. And he should be grateful you could have saved his. You are good man, Jack. You didn't kill those people, you just couldn't save them." There was completely silence on the Jacks end again. "Jack?" Kate asked cautiously.

"You have a really pretty voice." Jack told her bluntly. Kate smiled and snorted softly.

"Thanks, yours is pretty to." She giggled. Jack laughed on the other end.

"Thanks." They were quite for a moment. "Thank you for…this. I'm sorry I woke you up with all this I was pretty…"

Kate cut him off. "No, Jack…don't think that way. I'm glad you did…I'd rather have you alive and well…then…well…not alive and not well." She went quite.

"Oh. I'm glad you don't want me….dead." Jack said slowly. Kate giggled slightly. "You find this funny?"

"Yes." Kate giggled. Jack chuckled slightly as well. "I can't believe you are calling me at four in the morning, and I've never even talked to you before." Kate suddenly burst into full out laughter, rolling on her bed, tears occasionally trickling from her cheeks. On the other end of the phone Kate could hear Jack laughing hard as well. Slowly the laughter subsided and they sat in comfortable silence. "So…are we going to talk on the phone, all the time then?" Kate asked.

"I'm not sure." He told her. "Maybe…maybe only for emergencies?" Kate's heart fell; it shocked and scared her that it did.

"Yeah…yeah…that makes sense." She nodded although Jack couldn't see it. "You have to send me a photo, don't forget." She giggled. Jack laughed as well.

"I sent one with the last letter. Be kind, I'm not much of a looker." Jack laughed.

"I doubt that." Kate whispered. Jack didn't say anything but she could hear the smile in his voice with his next words.

"Well…goodnight."

"Bye then." Kate said.

"Yeah…bye, Kate."

"Bye, Jack."

**Authors Note: I put chapter titles in now, by the way. Also, in August I'm taking a trip to New York and Peru. I won't be back to September. If you want to keep update I suggest you either subscribe to me and/or this story because there will NOT be ANY updates ALL OF AUGUST. If there is one in August it is will be in the very first week or the very last week. **


	6. Chapter 6: Morning After

Kate woke up the next morning and looked groggily and around her room. She sighed and began pulled herself out of bed in effort, wondering if Jack's letter would come today. Before her feet touched the cold hard wood floor her heart gave a great leap. All of lasts night's memories came rushing back to her. Her and Jacks late night call, how he had wanted to kill him self (a great shudder ran through her body at this) and had called her in his time of need. She recollected the phone conversation in her mind. When she reached the end of it her heart fell. They had agreed to only use the phone for emergencies. Only for emergencies? What had she been thinking? She had been thinking that, although she would love to talk to Jack on the phone for hours, he was the one who suggested the idea and she didn't want to freak him out. She rubbed her head, her excitement from last night fading and her tiredness crept back up on her. She got ready for work lazily and met Claire downstairs for breakfast.

"Who in the name that is all good and holy called you last night?" Claire asked in a thick Australian accent. Although Kate and Claire were cousins, they looked completely different. One blonde hair and the other brown, hazel-green eyes next to blue eyes, although both of them were slender, their body types were still quite different. Claire was born in Australia and lived there till she was 13. Her dad transferred to New York were Kate had been living when she younger. Kate and Claire quickly became good friends but when Claire was 18 she went back to Australia to study for three years. The two friends re-united a year ago with Claire's baby in San Jose.

"It was Jack!" Kate giggled when she saw Claire's jaw drop.

"Is this new?!" Claire gasped. "Or having you always been having secret, mysterious, late night calls with the sexy and disturbed doctor?" They both burst into a fit of giggles.

"First, no I haven't. This is brand new. Second, he's not disturbed and third he's not…" Kate trailed off. Again, she found it odd she had new him quite well, had talked to him on the phone, and had basically saved his life last night and she didn't even know what he looked like. "He may be sexy. On the phone he said he wasn't a looker…but his voice…" Kate swooned. "Claire, his voice, is like…heavenly. He sounds so good." Claire giggled happily.

"Are you going to call him again? Or is he going to call you? What? You are paying for the long distance." Claire added. Kate nodded and grinned.

"No…we agreed only for emergencies…but I do want to call him again. I just didn't want to say 'oh, Jack, look, I think I might have a thing for you and would love to talk to you some more because you are amazing and your voice is astonishingly attractive. Please call me.' Yeah. That would sound great." Kate snapped.

"You could have just…you could just call him with an emergency!"

"I'm _not_ lying to him." Kate said harsher then she meant to. "He's important to me and relationship shouldn't be built on lies." Claire's smile faded.

"What relationship, Kate?" Claire asked. "Kate…you can't…I mean, it is possible but you've been talking to him for what…5 months?" Kate nodded. "Look…I know how much he means to you, but you don't know if he feels the same way. Figure that out first before you plan to meet him. He might be real jerk, and he might not even care all that much about you." Claire watched as Kate's face crumbled slightly. She hugged her and kissed her hair gently before going up stairs to get Aaron and leaving Kate in the kitchen, nearly heartbroken.

*

Jack sat in his office, head on his desk. Lance stood over him, rubbing his back awkwardly. "I'll tell the little boy about…everything if you want…" Lance suggested. Jack nodded into his arms. "Is the pen pal working?" Lance asked. Jack sighed and nodded. "Doesn't look like it. You went home last night in tears, Jack. I saw you crying in your car."

"I called her last night." Jack explained.

"Oh?"

"Yeah…it was good. I really like her." Jack couldn't help but smile slightly and was glad Lance couldn't see it.

"Are you…do you have a thing for this girl?" He asked, his voice sounding slightly judging.

"No...no…" Jack said quickly. "Well…I mean…I wish I could talk to her again tonight." He rubbed his eyes against his sleeves. "But nothing can happen because…well…she lives far away and I just, I can't. It would be too hard." Lance sighed and patted Jacks back one last time before leaving his office.

Jack sighed and rubbed his head, tears welling in his eyes. As much as he wished he could be with Kate he felt he shouldn't. She probably didn't even want him. Who in there right mind would want him? No matter what she said in the letters she might be just saying so he wouldn't kill himself. Anyone would say that, especially Kate, just so that he won't kill himself. She might not be falling in love with him, not the way he feared he might be falling for her. And even if she did, it was just one relationship. It wasn't like they'd go to the end of the earth for each other. If it were like that, the long distance might be worth it.

*

The next morning Kate opened the mail box and extremely happy to see a letter from Jack. She saw the back of a picture he had sent and felt of surge of excitement but decided to wait until she was done the letter.

_Dear Kate,_

_Mmmm…a name? Maybe call it…gee I dunno…_

_Sexy Dogs? Oh no. The Random Bone strikes again! Kidding!_

_But really, I have no idea. I'm terrible with names and what not. But it should be something really classy and sexy._

_What do you think of me? My photo I mean. _

_Surprisingly, there are still good guys in the world, Kate. You just have to go looking for them. And don't think I'm some glorified guy. Cause I'm not. I'm just a normal dude. I'm not a god or something. Well…maybe a sex god. But that's it. Hahaha. _

**Of course I'd pick you over her, never doubt that.**

_Does it make me sound sick to be glad you were jealous of her? Probably. But I am._

_As sexy as grocery shopping on a Friday is, sleeping in and watching T.V. on the couch on a Saturday night is even more of turn on. Well, okay, that's not my plans every Saturday night._

_Of course I know how to woe a girl…only when I want to though…_

_So, I made a list of 20 questions that are simple and we both have to answer them, just so we can know more about each other. And don't mock my questions okay? They are simple._

_Favorite color: Peach…don't ask. I find it pretty…_

_Favorite animal: Ducks…don't ask…they are cute. Oh god. Whatever. They just are…_

_Hobbies: Mostly just reading, I don't have a lot of hobbies, being a doctor, but I really love golf. Gee, what a surprise. _

_Favorite food: Peas and heated cheese sauce. Yummmyyyyy. Oh and chocolate of course. _

_Favorite time of day: Early, early, early, morning. Its so peaceful._

_Favorite sport: Golf or football._

_Favorite holiday: Easter. Chocolate is goooooood. _

_Favorite movie: The omen, the new one. I love a good scary one. Especially on dates._

_Favorite book: Harry Potter kicks some serious ass. But so does Stephen King's IT. Tough choice. _

_Favorite band: Shiny Toy Guns, ACDC, Aerosmith, U2_

_Favorite T.V. Show: Probably…Wet and Wild Western Girls on Wednesdays. Kidding! Just joking. My favorite would have to be CSI: Miami, either that or Grays Anatomy. _

_Favorite drink: Grape juice or really, really old red wine from France. Yuummmyyy. Oh yum._

_Choose: Spend a date at amusement park or a romantic dinner? : Amusement park, then I'd take her for a romantic dinner, then back to my place for a scary movie. _

_Favorite place to vacation: Somewhere in Europe or maybe in third world country helping out. And I mean that. Truly, I do. _

_Childhood hero: My dad. Ironic isn't it. And superman. I thought he was the best._

_Well that's all I got. I know these questions are stupid but so what. I like them!_

_Always appreciative of his pen pal, happily,_

_Jack_

Kate giggled happily while reading his letter. She loved hearing from him and more then anything she loved seeing what he wrote about picking Ana over her and what he wrote about _wanting_ to woe a girl. Did he actually want to woe her? Kate felt dizzy. Kate looked down at the photo shaking in her hands. She grazed her fingers over the photo she couldn't yet see. She closed her eyes and held her breath then flipped over the photo. She slowly opened her eyes but didn't look. She was too nervous but finally, with a huge grin in her face she looked down.

Kate gasped and actually toppled over backwards, her back breaking the fall against the wall where she slid to the ground starting at the photo. Jack was _GORGEOUS_!!! The photo had him dark wash jeans that fitted him _perfectly_, he wore a moss green sweater that hugged his body in all the right ways. He stood next to a Christmas tree, holding a coffee mug and leaning against a fire place with a big grin on his face. He was muscular and tall, with some scruff and handsome face. Kate couldn't believe _this_ was the man she had been taking to. She was utterly embarrassed, all those things she had said to him, all the sex jokes and embarrassing, childish flirting. She was red in the face and she wanted to bury her self in the ground and never reappear.

Just then there was knocking at her bedroom door. Kate leapt for the bed, holding Jacks picture and stuffed herself completely under the covers to hide her red and distraught face.

"Kate?" Claire's voice came. "Kate? Are you ill?" Kate moaned something into her pillow. "I'm sorry, what?" Kate stretched her hand out of the covers and handed Jacks photo over. "Holy crap!" Claire shrieked and jumped on the bed. "_This_ is Jack?" She screamed jumping up and down on the bed. "_THIS_ is Jack?" Claire kept jumping. "Marry him! Lay him! Have his babies!" Kate just shoved her head into her pillow harder, shoved her butt in the air and pushed her head in the best board while moving her legs in place, keeping the top of her head firmly against the wood. "Go to L.A! I'll give you time off! Jump on him! Do it! Do it!" Claire flopped down beside Kate. "What's wrong?" She asked patting her back. "Kate?" Kate finally pulled her head up.

"I made a fool of myself. Sending him stupid flirty letters! I must have looked so dumb to him! He could get any girl! ANY girl! And he gets me sending him stupid ass letters! Ugh!" And with that Kate threw her head back onto the pillow. "Why?!" She bellowed into it.

"Kate!" Claire cried pulling her back. "Kate! Kate! Calm down! What's wrong!? Kate, he flirted back did he not?" Kate nodded slowly.

"Yeah…kind of."

"Then why are you embarrassed? If he flirted back, but he could have any girl, that stands for something." Claire paused and studied her face. "Why are you so pale?" She asked slowly.

"I have to send _him_ a picture now."


	7. Chapter 7: Much Of A Looker

After spending hours of taking photos of Kate, they couldn't decide on a good one. Kate lay on the couch, feeling slightly depressed.

"Hey…Kate…" Claire said flipping through a photo album. "What about this one?" She held up one she had taken only few weeks ago. Kate looked at it and nodded. It was the only half good one and it was real.

*

_Dear Jack,_

_First of all…WHAT THE HELL? Not a looker?! Jack, you are babe. I hope you realize you could get any girl in the United States of America. Probably in Canada and South America to. Not that I want you to go off and find a different girl or anything…its just that…you know…well I'm not your girl…oh god. Never mind._

_You are very good looking. Keep that in mind._

_I still haven't thought of a name yet, it's so difficult. Ugh. I really need help thinking of one. And Sexy Dogs? Haha, nice try though. Maybe…Doggie Glamour. No, that's stupid. Dog Salon? Dog Parlor?_

_Man, Jack, get the Random Bone under control man. Just go around muttering 'Ana' under your breath…Okay okay, that was mean. But you laughed and you know it._

_You are such a sweet guy , Jack. Sometimes the stuff you write makes me blush so bad. I can barely believe it. It's a shame I didn't have a guy you know…in my closer to home reality like you…_

_20 questions eh? Mmm…I'll answer them and they aren't stupid but first I have to comment on yours. Peach if your favorite color? Peach? I would have thought you'd say something more like 'Blood red.' Or something manly. But peach is good too, it's sweet and sensitive. But kind of sexy. It's the color of skin. Sometimes. Ducks? No comment. Haha. Cute. Golf is cool, I haven't played but I think I'd like to learn. What are you reading right now? PEAS AND CHEESE SAUCE? That's disgusting! Hahahaha. I can't believe you actually enjoy that! Early, early morning is peaceful, watching the sun come up on the beach is so beautiful. Sports…no comment. Easter? Yeah, that makes sense, chocolate is very, very, very, VERY, good. I don't like scary movies. They are simply…to scary. Well duh. You know what I mean. You read the Harry Potter books? That's ADORABLE. Honestly, those books are for kids. Well, most of them anyways. It so cute you read them. Awwww. Aerosmith and U2 kick ass as well. "I still haven't found what I'm looking for." "I don't miss one kiss, don't wanna fall asleep cause I miss you babe and I don't wanna miss a thing!" "Dude looks like a lady!" Haha. Gotta love them. Hahahahahaha. Wet and Wild Western Girls on Wednesdays? You are to funny. That IS your favorite show isn't it? Noooo, just kidding. I bet you watch classy porn. CSI is intense. And as for that choose thing, Jack, you totally just want to get her dizzy on the rides so when she's at the restaurant she thinks it's you making her dizzy and weak. Then you'll take her to the scary movie to get laid. Yeesh. Superman? Cute, cute. And it is so sweet that you want to help in third world countries. That sounds like something I might like to do someday to._

_Favorite color: Lavender or Turquoise. _

_Favorite animal: Duh, dogs. Enough said?_

_Hobbies: I love reading to! I like running to. I know, who runs for fun? I do. It is fun. _

_Favorite food: Chocolate or spaghetti. Spaghetti is amazing. It's the perfect food. Any kind of pasta is good actually…_

_Favorite time of day: Late, late, late night. Like 11:00-3:00_

_Favorite sport: Track? Haha, I just like running. Would like to learn how to play golf though. That would be really cool._

_Favorite holiday: Christmas by far._

_Favorite movie: The notebook. I know. But I love sappy romantic movies. They are so sweet and touching._

_Favorite book: I love the lord of the rings books. They are so good. Better then freaking Harry Potter. Haha. I still can't get over that. To cute!_

_Favorite band: Aerosmith and U2!! Maybe…Three Doors Down? The Eagles._

_Favorite T.V. Show: Any CSI is awesome. I like cartoons to. They are so laid back, it's relaxing._

_Favorite drink: Coffee from Starbucks. Any one of them._

_Choose: Spend a date at amusement park or a romantic dinner? : Romantic dinner then back to __**his place for a scary movie…**_

_Favorite place to vacation: Maybe…helping in third world countries. I can't get over that. I'd love to do that. But I'd also really like to do to Alaska or something for Christmas sometime._

_Childhood hero: My childhood hero was…probably…you know what? I don't think I had one…how odd._

_So…you want to woe me?_

_I think in the next letter I write I'm going to find some MUCH better questions. Hehe. These are alright, but they don't get deep down to the soul of person. _

_Hope you like the photo of me. __**I'm**__ not much of a looker. _

_Curiously, nervously, lovingly,_

_Kate_

Jack grabbed her photo and flipped it up. He took a deep breath and sunk back onto his chair. She was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. She was standing in a kitchen, caring many grocery bags. Her hair was down, in long brown curls. She was wearing jeans that weren't too tight but made her legs look beautiful, long and slender but built at the same time. She wore a tank top, her breasts were possibly a perfect size. Her waist was small and curvy. Jack slammed his head down hard on the desk he was sat at. "Crap." He groaned. "Crap, crap, crap." Jack slammed his head against the table again and was about to for a third time but decided not to because it was beginning to hurt. "Oooooh, crap, crap." Jack said, his voice pained. "I am such a loser." He said aloud to himself. "She is beautiful, she could get any guy, and I'm flirting with her like _I_ actually have a chance." Jack paused suddenly and scanned the letter again. _Wait_, Jack thought, _wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, she thinks I'm good looking. She thinks I'm…a _**babe**_. Go, Jack! Okay, that was weird. And, she put that she would want to go back to his place for a scary movie. Does that mean she…likes me? Does that mean she wants to…sleep with me? Oh man. I need a cold shower._


	8. Chapter 8: That Slut!

_Dear Kate,_

_Not a looker. Yeah, yeah suuuure. That's laughable. You put Catherine Zeta Jones and Audrey Hepburn to shame. And that's saying __**alot**__. You are beautiful. Don't doubt that, Kate. Cause its true. Believe me, if we were in person I'd probably barely get two words out in front of you, the nerves you know. I desperately needed a cold shower after seeing it believe me. Is there any reason you don't think you're beauitufl? And yes, by that I mean a man with a name that starts with an S and ends in awyer._

_But I'm glad you find me attractive. That was defiantly a stroke for my ego. I guess I don't think I'm attractive because of Sarah. She never wanted to sleep with me, not because she actually thought I was ugly because she just wasn't sexually attracted to me. She did sleep with me however, every once and a while. But as I said, when theirs passion and love, its so much better, so I guess our sex wasn't complete crap. It was okay cause we did love each other, but were weren't _in_ love with each other. You know?_

_Anyways, since you got to mock or compliment my life style I get to do the same to you. But first, peas and cheese sauce it AMAZING. Face it, Kate. It tastes so good, and Harry Potter rocks also. I love those books, they are intense and captivating, just give them a try and you may just like them. But yeah, I am pretty damn cute. _

_Why do you like late, late night? Don't you need sleep? Maybe…someday…if the opportunity arises I mean, I could teach you to play golf…if you'd like that I mean…Anyways, yeah, Christmas is great, I suppose. It's so stressful though. Awww, sappy movies. Cute. As I said, Harry Potter rules. Lord of the rings…well…it…drools. Well, the movies were good but Harry Potter kicks off all its ass…all over the place. You seem to have very good taste in music. That's sexy. Cartoons?! Now THAT is for kids. But, I got to admit, kind of cute. Back to his place for a scary movie huh? Interesting…do I sense an...offer there? Alaska?! How odd. _

_Do you want me to woe you?_

_I hope these aren't embarrassing questions. Like…when was the last time I touched myself or something…not that I do that. Why do I always choose to write in pen? _

_Seriously attracted to his pen pal,_

_Jack_

Kate giggled nervously as she read the letter. He thought she was _beautiful_? Not even Sawyer had called her that. Sexy, and hot, sometimes even a cute, but never beautiful. And… 'do you want me to woe you?'. Was that flirting? Or was it repulsion? No, he had thought she was beautiful, why on earth would he be repulsed? Suddenly the phone rang. Kate jumped up and answered it.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Kate…its Sawyer."

*

Jack climbed into bed and picked up his Harry Potter book, he began to read slowly, tired from a long, long day at work. Jack had just begun to drift off when the phone rang. Jack glanced at it, looking at the ID. He saw it wasn't the hospital and that was the only place or person who would be calling him, so he was about to ignore it when he noticed the area code. Kate's area code.

"Hello?" Jack breathed. He was surprised by how eager he was to hear her voice, to know she was okay.

"Jack." Kate murmured.

"Kate." Jack responded quietly. "Kate, what happened?" Her quietness panicked him for some reason.

"He called me."

"Who called you?" Jack asked, by before she could answer he realized. "Sawyer?" He asked, knowing he was right but wishing he was wrong. His wishes were dashed when Kate sobbed at his name. Jack immediately felt guilty and tried desperately to fix the situation. "Hey, hey, don't cry. We won't use his name, we won't okay? We'll call him…we'll call him…That Slut." Kate giggled slightly and Jack smiled. "What happened?" He asked cautiously.

"Saw- I mean…That Slut, he called me." Kate said quietly. Her voice sounded strained and Jack was sure she was doing her best not to cry. "And…he said…that…he's separating from his wife, _again_." She gasped and sobbed again.

"Oh my god…" Jack murmured.

"Sorry." Kate said quickly.

"No, no! Not about you. About That Slut." He paused. "Does he want to come back to you?" Jack asked quietly, his heart picked up speed, he didn't want Kate to go back to Sawyer…he…he didn't want to admit it to himself but he wanted Kate to go to _him_. Go to him, Jack.

"I don't want to." She murmured. "But…I have to."

Jack frowned. She had to? "Kate, did he threaten you? Did he bribe you? What did he do? You don't have to do anything for him, Kate. Tell me what he did and I'll help you anyway that I can. I'll call the police, Kate. I will keep him from hurting you again." Jack didn't care if he sounded defensive and protective, he cared, he didn't want her to go back to Sawyer, and he didn't want her to feel she had to.

"No…I have to because it is Sawyer." Kate murmured delicately. This statement made quite literally, no sense, to Jack. He started at the wall in front of him silently. "You're mad at me." Kate stated, sounding hurt. Jack sighed and was about to tell her that he wasn't when she interrupted him. "Look, before you say anything can I explain something to you?"

"Of course."

"Sawyer made me feel like I was the most special girl in the world, that I was a princess. He only had eyes for me, he would send flowers to my work randomly, and he'd buy me presents just because I was menstruating. I thought he was my prince charming. I was _sure_ he was my prince charming. But…" Kate sighed. "I knew something was wrong, I knew something was wrong before he was even cheating on me with his _ex-wife_." Jack could hear the execrating pain in her voice when she said that. "He wouldn't tell me about his problems, like the relationship was all about making me feel happy. Which most girls would think that's a good thing, sometimes, but I loved him, I loved him so much and I wanted him to be so happy. The weird part was that he wouldn't ever let me talk about my problems, as if he couldn't be bothered to hear them. He would just want us to live this super happy, picket white fence family. Because, see, when Sawyer was little his step father beat him, and then killed his mom and himself." Kate paused when Jack hissed in a breath of disagreement. "I know!" Kate exclaimed. "It's unbelievable. But it made him want to make a happy place for his wife. I should have known!" She wailed loudly, catching Jack by surprise. "I should've known." There was another pause. "I should have known…someone who divorces the wife who he was determined to make things better for…is…bad news, to say the least. But he told me I was his soul mate, Jack. His _soul mate_. That is the most amazing thing I've ever been told. The next thing I noticed that although he sent me flowers, made me laugh and told me he loved me, more then his wife, he never complimented me. Never… 'you look nice,' or 'that dress that dress brings out the color in your eyes, which is a fantastic color by the way,' or 'my god, do you ever have a lovely face!'" Jack laughed at the slightly silly voice she used the last one and Kate giggled also. "Or...ahm… 'you're beautiful.'" There was a small pause.

"You are Kate, you are beautiful, and I promise you I'm not saying that to make you feel better." Jack said meaningfully.

There was still silence on Kate's end. Jack waited patiently for her to say something, nothing was said for a few minutes and Jack wondered if she was still there when she spoke again in a voice that broke Jacks heart.

She gasped for air and sobbed, moaned slightly and began gasping for air again in between what sounded like the most painful, core shaking sobs Jack had ever heard. Kate moaned slightly and choked and coughed gently, blowing her nose. Jack waited patiently again as she tried re-gain control of her self.

"And then…" Kate gasped. "That…that SLUT…cheated on me! He cheated on me! With his EX WIFE!" Kate screamed. "And now…now he wants me back because I'm his soul mate! And he makes me feel like I'm the best girl and world so I have to! I have to because he loves me and he'd kill for me!" Kate howled.

"KATE!" Jack yelled and Kate immediately stopped making any noise. Jack imaged her sitting on her bed, holding her breath to try and subside the tears, her chest heaving with each sob that couldn't escape. "Kate, you don't owe him anything. You are your own women. You can stand up for yourself, who do you want to be with?" Jack realized how that question sounded and quickly changed it around. "You can be with any man you want if you really try, and Sawyer doesn't deserve you, Kate. He should be down on his damn knees begging you to come back to him. If he can't see what a smart, charming, beautiful, funny, intelligent, determined, wonderful women you are then he really can't see…_you_."

Kate gave a loud sniff and small whimper. Then she began to cry again. "Jack." She mumbled through her gasp. "Jack." Jack didn't answer. "Jack?" She asked this time in a slightly calmer voice.

"I'm here." He told her quickly.

"Are you busy?" She asked. Jack laughed a little.

"Of course not, I was just reading Harry Potter." He explained. Kate laughed a little to. Jack wasn't sure, but he thought she might be debating something in her head so he decided to try and help her out. "I'm not going to leave you, Kate. Not until you are ready." Kate sighed quietly on the other end.

"Talk to me." She requested, her tears seemed to have stopped but she took in another shaky, heartbreaking gasp again. Jack thought for a moment.

"Okay." He whispered. "What about?"

"Anything. Just let it captivate me, let my mind wander somewhere else."

"What if you don't find it interesting, what if I bore you?"

Kate didn't answer right away. "I like your voice, I'll probably be entranced." She giggled nervously. Jack chuckled to.

"Thanks."

"So…go ahead. Just talk."

Jack thought for a moment and looked down at his book. He cleared his throat. "Chapter Ten, The Marauder's Map. Madame Pomfrey insisted on keeping Harry in the hospital wing for the rest of the weekend. He didn't argue or complain, but he wouldn't let her throw away the shattered remnant of his Nimbus Two Thousand…

Jack read Kate a full chapter of the third and his personal favorite Harry Potter book, The Prisoner of Azkaban. Once he was finished he asked Kate how she had liked it and she said it wasn't too bad, but now she wanted to talk to have a proper conversation with him.

"I know!" Kate declared, her and Jack both giggling. "Remember I was going to ask you all those questions? Why don't I just ask you now?"

"What will we talk about in the letter?" He asked. Kate rolled her eyes, even though Jack couldn't see.

"We'll think of something. Okay, now…What was the saddest day of your life?"

Jack answered immediately. "My dad's funeral, I cried for about four days straight. Not kidding."

"Jack, I'm so sorry." Kate said sincerely. "My saddest day must have been…the day I walked in on Sawyer and Cassidy."

"I'm so sorry to." Jack told her.

"What was the best compliment you ever received?"

"That I'm the most handsome man to ever walk the halls of St. Sebastian hospital." He told her. Kate burst out laughing. "Why is that funny?!" Jack blazed in mock anger.

"Who said that?" She was still laughing. Jack noticed she had a great laugh.

"Many, many women." Jack said cockily.

"All of them said exactly that?" She was laughing harder.

"Well…" Jack began.

"Did they all just grab you and throw you in the nearest storage closet and confess their love for your body?" She asked, her laughter subsiding.

"That only happened ONCE!" Jack cried defensively, making Kate burst into laughter again. "Okay, okay, what about you hilarious one?" He chuckled.

"Oh no, tell me this story!" Kate laughed.

"Fine…fine." Jack sighed. "There was this new nurse working in the spinal ward, and I guess she hadn't realized that I was married, because I never wore my ring to work, you know…and she called my office from hers and asked to meet me near the cafeteria, and I guess I wasn't on top of my game because I didn't bother to think _why_. So, I went there and just as I walking by, she was already hiding in the always unlocked storage closet, well she reached out and grabbed my tie, kinky enough right, and just pulled me in and against her and tried to get my pants down." Jack paused and heard Kate gasping again and was worried he had made her cry when he realized she was just laughing _really_ hard. "I got her under control and then she explained she's in love me, obviously, and then I told her I'm married." Jack said lamely. Kate gasped again. "It isn't funny, Kate."

"Oh yes, yes it is. It is really funny, but at the same time I feel slightly protective over you." Once that came out Kate quickly sobered up. "I mean…"

"It is fine, Kate. I know what you mean…" He smiled and he had a funny feeling she was smiling to. "So, what is the best compliment you've ever gotten?"

"I think you know." She murmured. She was thinking about when he called her beautiful.

"Yeah, I do."

"Now," Kate said briskly. "What is your worst fear? Mine is being buried alive."

"Really!" Jack laughed. "Mine to!"

"No way!" Kate laughed as well. "What a co-winky dink! It's a creepy thought isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah, defiantly, I have tons of nightmares all the time about being buried alive. I always imagine my patient's families doing it, even if I saved the person."

"You love your job don't you?" Kate asked quickly.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "Yeah, I do."

"How come?" She asked.

"I love science…and being able to go to someone and say I saved your person. I saved your wife, I saved your daughter or your boyfriend or your parent. Their gunna be okay, they're gunna go home with you." Jacks voice was full of emotion and his eyes burned slightly with tears. "And then seeing the patient, and saying that they are going to walk out of the hospital, or they are fine, they are gunna be okay…it's the best feeling in the world…" He paused. "but it's the worst feeling, not saving them, not being able to make their face light up and start crying happy tears and hugging people they love. Instead…just seeing them sit there in shock and sometimes getting angry, or going into denial, it just…it makes me wish that I could switch places with them and take away their pain. Even though I've never seen these people before, or met them and never will again. I can't even imagine how much it would hurt."

"I think you do know how much it hurts, just in different ways." Kate thought for a moment. "You are really good guy, Jack. A really great man."

"Thank you."

"It's true." Kate paused for a minute. "Next question, if you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?"

"You go first."

"Okay…" Kate said slowly. "I guess I'd want to get rid of global warming. I don't see why we should work tirelessly to change a world we might not even have in 10 years because we can't take care of it."

"That makes sense."

"I know."

They both laughed again. "I think I'd want to change the way the media works." Jack said in a shy voice. "I know I should probably say something like getting rid of aids or ending poverty, but I hate the way the media portrays everything. Guys shouldn't have to feel like they need to be big macho men, and girls shouldn't need to be flawless and stick thin. Everyone is beautiful. Sure, maybe for some people like you and me it's easier to see, but…" Jack joked. Kate laughed at this. "But…" he continued, chucking as well. "I don't want my kids growing up in a world like that."

"How many kids do you want?" Kate asked.

"Two to four, what about you?"

"Two to five." She laughed. Jack grinned.

They must have talked for hours, because before Jack knew what was happening his alarm clocked went off and he swore loudly, making Kate burst out laughing, Jack laughing as well.

"God, its 6:00 am."

"Good thing it's Saturday. Wait, why do you have an alarm on the weekend? Oh god, you don't have to work today do you?!"

"No," Jack laughed. "No, I'm off."

"Oh good. I was worried I kept you up, yapping to keep my mind off…him." Kate murmured. "It doesn't hurt too much anymore."

"That's good. You'll get through this." Jack paused. "I believe in you, Kate."

She didn't answer right away. "I had better get some sleep. Bye, Jack."

"Bye, Kate."

"Thanks."

"No, thank you."

*

"Hello?" Jack answered his phone around 12:00 after six hours of sleep.

"Hey, want to go out for lunch?" His best friend, Hurley, asked.

"I'm having lunch with my supervisor, a check up." He paused. "But you can come if you want."

"Sweet."

"I'll pick you up in thirty."

"Twenty."

"Fine."

*

"She just sounded so sad." Jack explained to Hurley and Lance over lunch. "So, just…so heart breaking-ly sad. I've never heard anything like it before. She didn't even need to cry, just the tone of her voice, it told me…I guess…that she's shattered. She's shattered." Jack said into his soup. There was quite at the table. "And she called me. She called me when she was shattered." He paused. "I hate him for…shattering….her."

"Dude." Hurley said.

"Yeah, dude." Lance agreed. Jack looked up, Hurley was grinning and Lance was looked like someone had told him his wife died.

"What?" He asked.

"You really, really like her!" Hurley laughed. "You have a major crush on a girl you've never even met!" Jack frowned at him. "Come on, dude, you were singing Head Over Feet by Alanis Morrisette at the top of your lungs on the way here."

"You were?" Lance asked, perking up. Jack gave him a confused look for a moment and turned back to Hurley, who was sat next to Lance in the booth.

"I…I like that song!" Jack defended himself. "Alanis has a wonderful voice!" He looked back at Lance who was practically glowing. "What's up with you!?" Jack snapped.

"So, you don't like her?"

"No!" Said Jack and then he gasped. He stopped and started at Hurley and Lance. "Well…holy cow." He mumbled running his hand through his hair. "I think I have a crush on her…" Jack trailed off looking into his soup, scared but happy at the same time. "Oh my god, I like her…I don't…I don't love her, but I do…I like her a lot." Jack glanced up at the two men sat across the table and started at them. "Wow…So, do I tell her?"

"Well, do you think she would like to know?" Lance asked.

"I'm not sure if she likes me though…I mean, I suppose we've been flirting a little bit…" Jack wiggled uncomfortably in his seat. "But…I…just…it might all be mindless, what if she doesn't like me and it's just pity flirt because I'm the poor depressed doctor?"

"Would she do that?" Hurley asked. Jack shook his head immediately, smiling gently. "And…Dude, are you even depressed anymore?"


	9. Chapter 9: Whole Other Ball Game

When Jack got home he was surprised and happy to find Kate's letter had arrived.

_Dear Jack,_

_We'll I'm glad you find me beautiful. As you probably know by now. _

_And yeah, I do know what you mean by that. Sex is better when it not just purely based upon lust. It's meaningless and empty when it is. It's kind of sad really. I feel bad for the people who shy away from romantic relationships. They don't know what they are missing. I'm not saying I'm the queen of the romantic relationships or anything but lately I think I could be…_

_And I think I will give those Harry Potter books a try. I'm going to get the first one from the library tonight. And I tried your stupid peas and cheese sauce. It is disgusting! Haha, I don't know how you eat that! _

_Believe me, I know you're cute._

_I like late night cause I feel like only me and one other person are wake for some reason. I don't know who, but its just me and them. It's a really cool kind of surreal feeling. _

_I'd love it if you taught me golf, Jack. That'd be really cool. I guess we'll have to see if the opportunity arises somehow. _

_Don't insult Lord of the Rings in front of me bucko! I love those books! They are mature and adult like, unlike Harry Potter! Since I'm reading Harry Potter you have to read Lord of the Rings. _

_So, you think I'm sexy because I have good taste in music? Well, beautiful is one thing Jack, but sexy is a whole other ball game…_

_And…as for if I want you woe me…I'd have to say…_

_Yes, I kind of do. But I sort of think you might have already. A little bit._

_Sure, like you don't touch yourself. Yeah right. Hahaha, no just kidding. Here are some questions I didn't ask when we were on the phone. _

_How big is your bed?_

_Why do you have a big bed? _

_Or_

_Why do you have small bed?_

_What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?_

_Have you ever used a gun? When? Why?_

_Do you have a tattoo?_

_Are you missing someone?_

_What is the first thing you thought of this morning?_

_Last time you wet the bed? (either way, Jack, and you know what I mean!) _

_What were you doing before this?_

_What shampoo do you use?_

_Do you pee in the shower?_

_There, I think those questions are great._

_Slightly embarrassed about her confession, _

_Kate_

*

Kate was extremely excited when she got Jack's letter a few weeks later, the envelope decorated with stickers that were taped on for extra measure.

_Dear Kate,_

_Oh, sexy is a whole other ball game that is for sure. Beautiful is timeless, special and hard to achieve. It has class, charm and is always stunning. Sexy, however, is playful, wild and mischievous. You, I'm sure, have both mastered into an art. _

_Lets not talk about how regularly I touch myself…hahaha…this could lead to some very hilarious information for you, and some very embarrassing story telling on my part. _

_How big is my bed? It's made for two. You never know right? I guess I have a big bed…well for one, I like big beds, and for two, maybe someday I hope that spot will be filled by a special someone. And till then I'll just have to pretend she's there. _

_The first thing I notice about the opposite sex…either the body, or the hair. Hair really stands out for me for some reason. And body, I know this sounds shallow but it is important to me. It's not the most important at all, but it is still up there. _

_Yeah I have tattoos, they are kind of hard to describe…I'll guess I'll just have to show them to you sometime…_

_I'm not missing someone really. But I suppose…I'm wanting someone to be here who isn't. I can't miss her, cause…I've never met her. But I do wish she was here. One guess who it is?_

_First thing I thought of this morning was the lyrics of the chours 'Rock You Like A Hurricane.'. Have you heard it? It was on the radio and I heard it and had it stuck in my head the rest of the entire day. It sucked. I was in the grocery store and I started singing it the produce isle and this women gave me the oddest look. Talk about embarrassing…_

_Last time I wet the bed…I was about 6…nightmares really got me when I was younger. Last time I __**wet**__ the bed I was about 16…dreams really got to me…yeah, I know you are laughing. Cut it out._

_Before I did this…I was using the bathroom. God. Honesty suck…hahaha and I use Irish Spring shampoo. I think it smells fantastic. Yes…on occasion I DO, pee in the shower, but in my defense it saves water. I strongly believe in preserving the environment, it is important. I have about five plants in my bedroom alone. _

_And I have to say, I'm glad you want me to woe you. Have…my efforts been successful so far? _

_What's your middle name? _

_Who's your best friend?_

_What are your parents named?_

_Do you have any siblings?_

_EXTREMELY embarrassed,_

_Jack Walter Lee Shephard_

_Dear Jack,_

_As a matter of fact, I have mastered sexy and beautiful down to an art, baby, how'd you know? *wink wink* Just kidding. I have no idea really; I guess I'd need a guys opinion on it. _

_Now you cannot dangle how regularly you touch yourself in my face and then snatch it away! That's not fair at all!! Haha._

_Ooo, a big bed huh? I bet you put that to use often._

_I have a double bed. Same reasons as you I suppose, just to image someone else there. Some you love, or just miss. And, I roll around a lot! _

_The first thing I notice about the opposite sex is there arms and hands. And I have to say, Jack, you have amazing hands and arms. One of the best I've ever seen. Really well built, big, masculine. Good job._

_I bet the women who heard you singing Rock You Like A Hurricane in the grocery store didn't think you were a freak but was actually thinking 'dang, I'd let him rock me aaaallll night long.' Hahaha. Don't deny it! The first thing I thought this morning was 'wow, these sheets are comfortable!' I bought new flannel sheets and they are heaven in a bed. _

_Last time I wet the bed I was 4. Six? Six? Six, Jack? That's…horrifying but absolutely adorable. It's adorable because well, you had bad dreams. It's cute it picture you as a little boy, getting scared and going to sleep with you parents. But I don't suppose you did. _

_Before I did this I was eating dinner with Claire. We ate mostly Caesar Salad, our dinner are pathetic. I use Dove shampoo, to moisturize my hair more. I'm not one of those girls who dolls herself up or whatever, I'm a lot more down to earth then that, I like to think. _

_And…yeah…your efforts to woe me __**have**__ been successful…surprisingly so. _

_My middle name is Elizabeth._

_My best friends name is Claire. Hehe. You didn't know that?_

_My moms name is Elizabeth Austen, My step dads name is Sam. For the longest time I thought he was real dad. See, when I was younger he lived with us, so I assumed he was my step dad, because my mom left my real dad Wayne Austen when I was a baby and I couldn't remember him. But then Sam and her got divorced and she remarried Wayne, and then she dropped the bomb one day that Wayne is my real dad. I hate him. He used to… He used to hit around my mom a lot. He never laid a hand on me. But he was a really jerk. One day they decided they should go to therapy and he stopped. I was only in my teens. It was just really hard growing up with that._

_No, I don't have any siblings._

_Kate Elizabeth Austen_

_Dear Kate,_

_No, Kate, trust me on this. You do have it down. It surprises me. A lot of girls cannot do both, but you can. _

_I will not tell you how often I touch myself! That is waaayyy to personal. I suppose I can give you a ball park number…in one week it is only a single digit number. How's that?_

_Thanks, I've never thought about my arms and hands before. I guess they are all right, nothing to special, they seem like any old hands to me really. _

_You do not know what heaven in a bed is. Have you ever slept with me? No. You don't know heaven in a bed. Haha, kidddding. I'm sure they are fantastic._

_No I never went and slept with my parent when I had bad dreams. I figured I should man up. _

_My middle name is Walter Lee. Jack Walter Lee Shephard. That's me. Incase you didn't pick that up from the ending of my last letter. _

_My best friends name is Hurley. He is fantastic and one of the funniest people I know._

_My moms name is Margo and my dads name is Christian. They are…cold people._

_Man, I cannot believe what you've been through with your own parents. Kate, that's awful! I'm so sorry. You deserve much better parents then that. If its any help, you've turned out wonderfully considering the kind of rearing you've had._

_I don't have any siblings either but I wish I did, maybe a little sister._

_Jack Walter Lee Shephard. _

_Dear Jack,_

_Oh, so there is a number of how often you touch yourself then? Jaaack Shephard. I'm impressed. I didn't think you had it in you. Just kidding. Considering one a horn dog you are, I'd be disappointed if you didn't. Mr. Random Bone. And no, I will never let you live that down. _

_But one number, huh? It could be nine. Nine times a week. Mmmmm. That's one a day, plus one two days a week! Wow. Nice stamina, Dr. Shephard!_

_They are extremely sexy hands, Jack. _

_Oh boy Jack. Now, I don't mean to insult you or anything, but I'm not entirely sure you say that you are heaven in a bed. I mean, I'm sure you are just a delight. But so are hamburgers. Now chocolate is good way to say that someone is heaven in a bed. You are probably just hamburgers while someone like…Marvin Gay is chocolate. Let's Get It On…._

_Aw, Jack. If you ever have a really bad dream, you can fly out here and sleep in my bed for the night how does that sound? Hahahaha._

_I have a question…are you still depressed or what?_

_Happily,_

_Kate Elizabeth Austen_

"So..." Lance said nervously looking at Jack from across Lance's desk. "I called you in here…to see if you…ah…how the pen pal thing is going? Still like her?" He asked.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, it is working great…" He grinned. "She's a fantastic girl. Really, really great girl."

"So...no second guessing yourself?" Lance asked hopefully, eye brows scrunched up.

"Ah, no, I'm still depressed." Jack said slowly, not really understanding where Lance was going with this.

"No, no, I meant, you aren't second guessing that you like her?" Lance said quickly fumbling with his tie nervously.

"No. Of course not, why?" Jack said bluntly. Lance blushed. "What's going on?" Jack leaned forward, suddenly concerned. "Lance?" Lance glanced up at Jack and saw the concern written across his face and blushed deeper. "Is there something I should know about? Something about Kate?" He asked.

Lance stood up like he was going to walk around and then sat right back down, looking flushed and alarmed. "No, no it's about…well it's about me." He explained. He looked at Jack and made eye contact but quickly looked away again. "I am…" He got up and looked out of the window. "I don't know if you know this about me, Jack…" He turned around. "I'm gay."

Jack raised his eyebrows and his jaw dropped. He would have never guessed. He knew Lance had never been married but he thought that was because he never found the right girl. Jack was far from a homophobe but he was little uncomfortable with why his supervisor might be telling him this.

"Oh, well, okay." Jack nodded and smiled at him.

"I'm in love with you." Lance said bluntly.

"Oh!" Jack exclaimed and fell back slightly in his chair, caught off guard completely. He started at his supervisor. "Oh!" Jack said again. "Well…I mean…well…that's…" He was extremely uncomfortable now. His supervisor was in love with him. He didn't want to be with a man, but he certainly didn't want to hurt him either. "I'm flattered, really…but I mean, I'm sorry, Lance…but I'm just not…gay." Jack said.

"Are you sure?" Lance asked.

Jack coughed. "Positive. I'm sorry." He offered gently. Lance nodded and Jack felt awful, seeing pain written all over his face. "Any guy would be lucky to have you; I'm just not that guy. I am really, so sorry, Lance." Lance nodded again and Jack hoped against hope he wouldn't cry. Jack got up. "I'll…let you be alone if that's what you want." Jack said and made for the door.

"Wait!" Lance called, hand under nose, voice trembling. "Can I at least…have a hug?" He asked. Jack looked around and then went and hugged the much shorter man. They stood their much longer than normal for two men hugging, especially since one's straight.

"This isn't turning you on, is it?" Jack asked uncertainly as they stood there way longer then Jack had anticipated. Lance pulled his head back and looked up at Jack.

"I'm in love with you, Jack, not lust. It'll take more than a hug if that's what you are after." Lance laughed. Jack felt his heart tremble when he saw tears in Lance's eyes. Jack pulled away and walked a few feet then came back.

"I'm really sorry." He said again. "I don't…I don't…I don't want to hurt you!" Jack defended.

"Just go, okay. It isn't your burden. It was rude of me to tell you this while you are depressed, Jack. Forget it ever even happened."

*

Jack sat in his office in guilt. Once he knew heard it, it made sense. Of course he was gay. It just made sense for him to be. Lance had never been married, Jack remembered now, he had gotten engaged but because he realized he didn't love her. _I guess he realized he doesn't love women as a whole._ Jack thought. He numbly reached over and picked up the phone, dialing Kate's number.

"Hello?" A voice asked. Jack paused and considered hanging up. It wasn't Kate on the phone.

"Hey…is Kate available?" Jack asked.

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Jack Shephard." There was a pause and lots of screaming. Jack frowned and suddenly a voice grabbed the phone and gasped into it.

"Hey! Shut UP, Claire!" Kate screamed and there was a crash and Kate started to laugh harder. He heard some banging and figured Kate was running up the stairs, there was a bang and Kate was panting. "Hey, Jack, what's up?" She giggled.

"So, that was Claire?" Jack asked, smirking. Kate giggled.

"She gets excited easily." She explained.

"Why is she excited?" Jack asked curiously, still smirking.

"Oh…ah…" Kate said nervously. "I'm not….well…"

"Kate…" Jack said warningly, teasing her.

"Cause its you…." She mumbled.

"What is so special about me?" Jack asked, his heart rate picking up speed, this wasn't so funny anymore.

"I like you, Jack. I mean…I really like _like_ you."

"What?" Jack asking into the phone, but he was smiling. A huge happy smile. Kate liked him? Kate, the girl he had just only realized himself he likes, liked him back? Jack was filled with a euphoric feeling, one he hadn't had in years. "You like _like_ me, Kate?" He teased good heartedly.

"Well…yeah but you don't have to be a jerk about it!" Kate snarled. Jack jumped slightly, surprised by her outburst. What happened?

"I'm not!" He defended. "Kate! I..ah…I like you to." Jack blushed. He felt like he was all the way back in the fifth grade again. He remembered telling Sally Cooper he liked her in the fifth grade, blushing like a fool, and when he tried to kiss her she spilt her chocolate milk all over him.

"You do?" Kate asked, hope ringing in her voice. Jack chuckled.

"Yeah. I have a…" he cleared his throat. "I have a huge crush on you." Kate started laughing.

"I have a huge crush on you to, Jack." Kate said clearly in a fit of giggles. Jack laughed to, his body hot, but in a good way. "How long have you know you like me?"

"I don't know…like a few weeks….what about you?"

"Maybe…three friggin months?" She laughed. Jack laughed to.

"I liked you before just a few weeks ago, I just had difficult admitting it to myself, you know…that I liked someone I'd never met before." Jack confessed. "Actually…now that I mention it…someone admitted something to me recently as well…my supervisor is gay."

"Oh, wow." Kate blurted out. "You aren't homophobic are you?" She sounded weary and somewhat alert.

"No, not at all."

"Oh well, that's good!" Kate laughed. "I bet that was awkward, but it could be worse right? At least he's not in love with you!" Jack chuckled and then was silent. "Right, Jack?"

"Ah..haha…"

Kate burst out laughing.

"What?!" Jack exclaimed. "It isn't funny! I feel really bad I'm not…like…that I'm not gay!"

The two sat around for at least an hour, chatting about Jack's gay friend. Kate stopping to giggle every once and a while, embarrassing Jack. She wasn't sure why, but the idea of a gay Jack was fairly amusing to her, mostly because she couldn't picture it, and it might be silly, but there was something else she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Soon, Jack noticed the time and had to leave, Kate bid him goodbye and happily hung up the phone and flounced down stairs and onto the sofa. Claire raised her eyebrows at Kate from the floor where she was playing with Aaron.

"Love struck?" She laughed.

"He's amazing." Kate sighed. She was suddenly sized with a euphoric feeling of pure giddiness. Kate pulled her knees to her chest and rolled over, her back facing Claire and buried her face in the sofa, grinning like a fool.

"You are so whipped." Claire laughed. Kate let out a squeal of delight and banged her legs against the sofa and thrust her hips into the air. She started laughing and didn't stop.


	10. Chapter 10: I'm A Believer

Jack felt a little bit high. Since his talk with Kate with his mood had gone up considerably. Amazingly really. Jack left the hospital almost dancing, he sashayed by the reception flinging his arms out, briefcase swinging. He didn't notice all the secretaries stop what they were doing to stare at him spin and give a leap as he jumped out the automatic doors. It was totally out of character for Jack to act like this. But then again, it was totally out of character for Jack to have major feelings for a women he never even met. He might as well go with the flow.

Jack saw his car and leapt inside, tossing his briefcase into the passenger seat. He reached for the radio as he pulled out, the speakers automatically playing his favorite station. He heard _Smashmouths 'Believer'_ playing quietly. Jack pulled his car to the exit and blasted the music loudly. "_Badbaba_!" Jack sang along, tossing his head back onto the head rest. He turned the corner and drummed his hands along with the rhythm. "_I thought love was. Only true in fairy tales. Meant for someone else,_" Jack's voice cracked considerably here. "_not for me_." He didn't really care. "_Love was out to get to me. That's the way it seems. Disappointment haunted,_" His voice then deepened along with the music. "_All my dreams._" He stopped at the light and let his shoulders and neck giggle with the music. "_AND THEN I SAW HER FACE_!" Jack yelled. "_Now I'm a believer. Not a trace. Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. I'm a believer. I couldn't leave her. If I tried!_" Jack continued to sing along with the music as he neared his house, and at the last light he looked over and saw a old women looking up at him, looking utterly terrified at his somewhat lousy dancing and attempt at air guitar and drums in the car. Jack simply started at her and sang. "_Now I'm a believer, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, YEAH, YEAH_!" Jack roared as he floored it out of the intersection.

*

When he got home, Jacks high had fallen substantially. He was still happy, but he had used all his energy in making someone what of an idiot of himself. He spent the night formulating a response to Kate.

_Dear Kate,_

_As stated before, I will NOT tell you how often I touch myself! Don't be ridiculous! That is such a weird request. Not to mention humiliating to me. And EXCUSE ME? How on earth would you know if I am heaven in bed or not? That is not fair! And comparing me to a hamburger! If chocolate is good sex then…I am like…like…I am the god damn chocolate factory! I could be like…the sex guru if I really wanted to._

_Yes, thanks for that offer Kate. I'll keep that mind. The next time I have a bad dream I'll be sure to jump in bed with you. That sounds perfect. Haha._

_Am I depressed? I don't even know anymore. I think I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm not, like my whole life makes sense again, that I have a purpose, something to live for. And then other times…other times it feels like I've been thrown into reverse, and I'm a teenager again, only not nearly as fun. Nothing makes sense, and everything is gloom and doom. Everything is a catastrophe, from burning the toast, to loosing someone at work. It messes me up. I hate it. I really…I really just wish it would make up its mind, instead of sitting on the fence all the time. It makes me…well…not to sound to sensitive or anything, but it makes me cry. It just, I hate it when my emotions are toyed with. Its cruller. But it is so much worse when it is myself toying with my own emotions, with hardly any control. It is like I have two brains, the one that wants me happy, and the one that wants me sad. I feel a tad bi-polar. Maybe cause I'm sitting on the fence…it means I'm getting better? Oh, and then to top things off, Lance, being in love with me? This is just plain awkward. But we talked about it, I think I'm over it, but it is a quite bit strange. I've never even…I mean…me? Gay? No. Not a chance. Thank god for that to. Having to deal with sexuality issues combined with my own depression is really not something I want ha-ha. _

_What do you think, your opinion is really important to me._

_Curiously,_

_Jack Shephard._


	11. Chapter 11: Death Toll

_Dear, Jack_

_Well…I look forward to your next bad dream…_

_I don't know, Jack. Judging by your own…well,…when we talked on the phone, Jack, you did not sound depressed to me. Okay, I just asked Claire and she says that depressed people are not always going to sound the same way. Some might sound happy and cheerful, but are really just masking it. Well, ask yourself did you really feel cheerful? _

_Boy, am I glad you aren't gay. I am so glad you like me to by the way. I know it sounds childish and really immature, but when you told me that I inflated like a balloon. I really…I'm just really glad you do._

_Jack...I talked to Sawyer to by the way. I know we haven't really talked about that since I called you, but I talked to him. He said that he really wants me to come back to him. I don't know, I just…I couldn't do it. I don't love him. I mean, I felt that I should go back to him, my head was screaming at me to go back to him, you know? Like, in my head, it was just saying…"Go back, you love him, he'll give you money, a job, you can survive with him, he can take care of you." But my heart was just crying for me not to, screaming…maybe he can take care of you financially but he can't love you, and he can't kiss you the way others can, can't love you the way others can. So, I listened to my heart. He was pretty upset, you know, the usual kind of guy upsetness. Screaming, swearing. I just sat through it. He was telling me I'd be sorry, and that I will never find another guy that will love me, that I'll come crawling back. Of course, several naughty words were interspersed in there. Men, right? _

_Desperately Hoping Her Pen Pal/Crush Isn't Depressed Anymore,_

_Kate Austen_

_P.S. Oh my gosh, I am so totally embarrassed I wrote crush. Ignore that, okay? _

Kate sat a few weeks later in Claries office. The room was a light baby blue; there was a big blue sofa, a few shades darker than the walls. Claries chair matched the sofa. There was a light wood table in between the chair and the sofa. A box of tissues and a stress ball were set upon it. On the sofa were several stuffed animals Claire used with her children patients, and even with her adults. The walls had relaxing painting of the ocean, the sky, children playing, and animals sleeping. It was the most calming office Kate had ever been in. Kate wished she could spend the day in their instead in her desk outside Claire's office in the reception area. She had a big oak desk with a leathery chair she slipped out of sometimes. All day she booked appointments, and talked to clients who sat nervously on the brown, scratchy wool.

It was the end of the day and they were drinking ice caps from the Starbucks down the street, lounging in the chairs, and just plain relaxing. "Okay, choose," Claire challenged. "Eating frog legs for the rest of your life…or…eating insects?" She asked. They were playing a game of choose. They offered two really bad or two really good things and the other person had to choose between them and then explain their choice. Kate giggled.

"Frog legs, because they are actual food in some places...I could go to France and get them made gourmet!" She grinned and Claire rolled her blue eyes good humouredly. Okay, choose, jumping off a building, or jumping of a plane?"

"Plane, because then I could feel the world around me before I die, rather than hearing the city and breathing in the smog…choose, kissing your dad or a pile of dog poo?"

Kate squeaked and buried her head in a teddy bear.. "EW!" Kate laughed. "I choose…Jack!" She giggled, grinning goofily.

Claire laughed. "You can't choose Jack! It's either daddy dearest or poopy!"

Kate shook her head. "No, pick a different question, I refuse to choose. Why choose something bad when I can have something magnificent?" She sighed lovingly, but mellow dramatically, getting Claire to laugh at her antics. "

"Kate…" Claire laughed and shook her head. "You have to choose between your dad, with that sexy, bushy moustache, or that steamy, stinky pile of sex!"

Kate laughed, tears rolled down her cheeks. "That's sick! No way!"

"Come on…Sam isn't that bad looking! It wouldn't be that bad!" Claire laughed. Kate giggled.

"That's gross! Pick a different question!" Kate demanded, sobering up slightly

"Okay…" Claire rolled her eyes and thought for a moment. "Okay…a healthy relationship with a guy through letters…or…a possibly unhealthy relationship with him in person?" She asked. Kate sat up from the blue sofa she was laying on.

"What?" She asked quietly.

"Why haven't you met him yet, Kate?" Claire asked. "Are you scared?" Kate looked away. "Why are you scared? This is more than a crush. I can see it in your eyes."

There was a knock at the door. A woman came in, handing a file to Claire. In the hall outside a TV was playing. Kate caught one line, but it sent shivers down her spine, and as she progressed it, tears welled in her eyes, and she let out a small whimper of dismay.

"A fatal fire has taken place at St. Sebastian Hospital, in L.A. The total death yet is still undetermined."


	12. Chapter 12: Thump Thump

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump… _

Kate sat and listened to her heartbeat. She sat on her bed, starting at the roof. She could not bear to watch the news anymore. There was no mention of Jack Shephard, or any doctors really. Mostly just patients and families.

She had called Jack, and got his machine. Two hours later she called again, and got his machine. She called once again about five minutes earlier and got his machine again.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…_

She was petrified. She had never been so scared for anyone in her entire life. It felt as if all the joy, all the happiness, and good in the world was permanently gone from her. She felt a huge ache in her stomach. Not in her heart, but directly in her stomach, a permanent tummy ache that couldn't go away.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…_

She knew why to. She was in love with Jack.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…_

This thought didn't help. She had fallen in love with a sweet, handsome, smart, charming, gentle, nice man, and she may have lost him, before she ever even got to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him, to love him and have him love her back, to just be with him.

She would do anything to have him, or at least be able to tell him she loves him.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…_

'_Please, god, I know we don't talk much, but please, please, let him be okay.'_

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…ring, ring, ring…_

Kate sat up.

_Ring, thump, thump, ring, thump, thump…_

"Kate! Phones for you!" Claire called.

_Thump, thu-_

She gasped and flung herself over to the phone. She turned it on and slammed it to her ear. "Jack?" She gasped.

"Kate." He whispered.

"Oh my god." Kate sobbed. She sat up and crossed her legs, then buried her head in her hands, sobbing quietly. She felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders. "Oh my god. You are okay."

"I'm fine." He reassured.

"What happened?" She whimpered.

He began to explain what had happened. Or at least, his version of it. The fire had first started in the kitchen. It wasn't properly controlled, and spread. He was on his way to work when it happened. When he arrived the hospital was ablaze. Instead of turning around and leaving like every other doctor and nurse. He helped out. He helped perform CPR and worked with some of the paramedics. He had just gotten home, and saw that he had about twenty missed calls, but he called Kate first.

Kate let out a soft sigh after he was done his story. "I'm so glad you are okay." She told him.

"I'm fine." He murmured gently to her again. "Are you okay?"

Kate paused before answering. "I want to tell you something."

Jack moaned slightly, not in a bad way, but in an encouraging way.

Kate took a deep breath. "I think…" She sighed again. "I don't think. I know. I know this. I'm in love with you."

There was a long pause. Jack sat on his kitchen table and started out the window. He couldn't go with Kate. He didn't want to go with Kate. He shouldn't bother going with Kate. He felt a clench in his stomach. This wasn't going to be pretty.

"Kate…" Jack started. "Kate…you live…far away. I'm in Los Angles and you are in San Jose. I mean, long distance relationships don't work. It wouldn't even make sense for you move out here. We haven't even met. I'm sorry. I don't…I don't…" He gulped and the clench in his stomach became tighter. "I don't love you. Not like that."

"What?" Kate whispered on other line. Jack was glad he couldn't see her face. See the heartbreak. He is as bad as Sawyer. "You flirted with me! Called me beautiful!"

"But I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry, Kate. It just isn't right." Jack said, and he couldn't help up notice tears welling up in his own eyes. He did like her, he defiantly had a big silly, childish crush on her, but he wasn't in love.

"I…I…" She sobbed. "Good bye, Jack." She hung up.

**Do not give up hope yet!!**


	13. Chapter 13: San Jose

Jack sat there for a long time, until the operator told him to hang up. He suddenly felt empty. Not sad, but just empty. But a heavy empty. It was odd. He drifted to the couch in his living room and sat, watching the sun set out his window.

He thought back on all Kate had done for him over the last little while and how much he had done for her. Everything he did almost involved Kate in some way. She was constantly on his mind; he dreamt of her and thought of her. He thought it was because of his depression, but now, maybe not so much. After the sun had set dragged himself upstairs. He got in the shower and cleaned himself, trying to shake of the empty feeling that was beginning to turn into sorrow and regret. Should he have told her off? Should he have told her he didn't love her? But love her? How could he possibly be in love with her?

_That doesn't even make_ _sense_. He told himself as he brushed his teeth. In love with Kate? In love with her? He's never even met her. How on earth could he be in love with a girl he's never met. Only see once. Only talked to a few times. What if the idea he has of her in his head is purely made up? Something he dreamt up because of his need for love, for someone to lean on in trying times?

_But she seems real_. A little voice at the back of his head reminded him.

_Oh, f- off_. Jack warned the little voice. _I can't be in love with someone I've only just met unless I've made them to be someone else in my head. I don't even know Kate. Love is purely science. It's all a chemical reaction in your brain…I've forced a chemical reaction over a women I don't know. _Jack explained to himself.

_Love is not just science, Jack. _The little voice rattled on. _When did you learn about that in medical school? Stop being an idiot. _It warned.

Jack shook his head. "Shut it." He said out loud to it. "Oh god, I'm going crazy." He said. He shook his head again and sighed. _It has been a long day. _He told himself. He climbed into bed and shut off his light. He tossed and turned but could not fall asleep. Jack sighed and sat up. He reached for his Harry Potter book and stopped. Memories of him reading to Kate came flooding back to him, painful now. More painful than ever before.

_Explain the pain away, Jack, you always do. _The little voice snapped.

_I'm just sad because it's over with her. Not because it's over with someone I love. I'm sad because it's over with someone I am friends with. _Jack argued. He reached for his other book, Dear, John, by Nicholas Sparks. Jack normally didn't read romantic books, but his mother gave it to him for his birthday, so he felt he should read it. He actually hadn't started reading it yet. Jack paused before picking it up.

The little voice took his opportunity. _Why so hesitant, Jack? Worried romance will only hurt?_

_No! _Jack growled and snatched up the book. _I was just wondering if I will like it. I want to know what it is all about._

Fluster, angry and upset Jack scanned the back of the book. …_girl of his dreams, Savannah...._"_Dear John," the letter read...and with those two words, a heart was broken…is still his true love—and face the hardest decision of his life._

_Sound familiar?_ The voice, Jack's own head, sounded sympathetic.

"No!" Jack snapped out loud. Jack flipped to a random page. "Look, this is nothing like us. _When his eyes met mine I felt something click, like a key turning in a lock. Believe me, I'm no romantic, and while I've heard all about love at first sight. I've never believed in it, and I still don't. But even so, there was something there, something unrecognizably real and I couldn't look away._ See? Me and Kate are nothing like that!"

_Stop thinking about her then. _Both Jack and the voice thought.

Jack flipped to another page and read. _When I think about you and me and what we shared, I know it would be easy for others to dismiss our time together as simply a by -product of the days and nights we spent by the sea, a "fling", if that, in the long run, would mean absolutely nothing. That's why I don't tell people about us. They wouldn't understand and I don't feel the need to explain simply because I know in my heart how real it was…how real this is. When I think of you I can't help but smiling, knowing you have completed me somehow. I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream that you'll take me in your arms again. _

Jack sat and started, paralyzed at the book. _Sometimes love, just can't be explained away, or explain to you. It just what it is? _Jack thought, not the little voice this time. Jack suddenly lept out of bed and ripped open his dresser and pulled out the first clothing he had. A white wife beater and gray pajama bottoms. He pulled them on. He then ran and grabbed his cell, he paused and then threw it on the bed. He ran and got all of Kate's letters, including his passport and his visa.

_Where are you going? _The voice asked, the reasonably side of Jack now. The side that didn't believe he was in love with Kate. The side that was science.

The side, the second side of him, the side that was faith and the side that knew he was in love with Kate. The side that asked him to explain why couldn't stop thinking about Kate answered. _I'm going to San Jose. _


	14. Chapter 14: Bright Eyes

Jack flung himself into the car, and began to speed toward LAX, he barley bothered with proper signals, followed the law or his general car driving etiquette. He slammed his car into the parking stop, and couldn't help but notice that the little voice wasn't screaming at him anymore.

He burst in and ran to the surprisingly lengthy line and gazed hopefully at the upcoming flights. One to New York in an hour, one to DC in thirty minutes…San Jose…thirty minutes…!!

He waited impatiently for another five minutes in line then ran to the front desk. "One…to San Jose…Please! Hurry!" Jack begged. "Please, hurry! It's an emergency!"

"Sir, just calm down. Passport?" The women asked cheerily.

Jack rushed her through the process, trying to relax, not wanting to be mistaken for a terrorist, and have his trip delayed. More delayed then it already is. He should have gone to see her ages ago, and he knew it now. He took his ticket and sprinted to security. He waited impatiently inline. A security women spoke to him. "Don't you have any carry ons? Why the rush?"

"I'm going to see the girl that I love." Jack said grinning. The women smiled slightly.

Jack ran to the boarding gate the moment he was done with security, he didn't even put on his shoes. He handed the women his ticket and boarded the plane.

*

Kate lay at home, still crying in her bedroom upstairs. Claire was at work, an emergency appointment had come up, and Aaron was a playschool. Kate felt like the world had crumpled around her. She had lost the man she loved. Loved more than anything. She got up; she was still wearing her work clothes. Black dress pants, and green blouse, but her hair hung down, and her shirt was no longer tucked in. The small amount of makeup Kate wore was smeared on her face. She walked downstairs and started making herself tea, hoping it might help put her to sleep. A sleep to escape her nightmare. She walked past the big window in the living room and saw the pouring rain outside. _To match my mood,_ she thought bitterly.

Once the tea was done Kate walked back upstairs and sat on her bed, she couldn't bring herself to get changed or even call Claire. She never wanted to move again, she just wanted this feeling to go away. The feeling of having a rug ripped from under you, this winded, heartbroken, world crumpling feeling. Kate wasn't even still mad at Jack; she was in love with him. She didn't fall out of love when he rejected her, she just…broke. She wondered what he was doing right now. Probably going on with life, pretending nothing happened. _Nothing did happen for him_, she reminded herself. He just broke the heart of a woman he never met. Never will meet. She sobbed and buried herself in bed further.

There was a ring at the door. Kate ignored it. If they are important, they'll have a key. Only Claire as a key. Only Claire, Aaron and my job are important now, she deiced. I've been hurt by two many men. I won't involve myself with love anymore. It hurts less that way.

The door bell rang again. _Oh my god._ Kate thought through her tears. _Jack…breaks…no…he…rejects….he hurts me. Jack hurts me and now the mail man is determined to reach me? Thanks a lot God._ She sipped her tea and wiped at her tears. She realized she needs tissues and got some from her bedside table and blew her nose profusely.

Again, the door bell rain. "GOD! JUST GO AWAY!" Kate screamed from upstairs, hoping the person would hear her. She kind of doubted it. All she wanted in the world right now was for that person at the door to go away. She wanted that person at the door, whether it was a man or women, adult or child to go away and never return. She wished with all her heart, mind and soul that they'd go away and let her sit in peace. Be in her own peaceful misery.

Peaceful misery is what Kate had indeed. Unlike with Sawyer, Kate was not screaming in agony. She couldn't bring herself to scream. Maybe to scream at someone else, but not at herself. No amount of self abuse, whether it be screaming, hitting, cutting, depriving, could make Kate feel worse than she did now. Even death would be a appreciated retreat.

The door bell rang once more. "FINE!" Kate screamed. "IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?! I'LL GO ANSWER THE GODDAMN DOOR!" Kate stomped down the steps and roughly slammed the door open.

*

Jack hoped into a taxi outside the airport, he was already soaking wet from only standing outside a few moments. He was sure his black boxer briefs were visible through his gray pajama bottoms but he didn't care. "5667 Redfield Avenue." Jack gasped at the cab driver who looked bewildered. "Hurry! If you get me there in twenty minutes I'll pay you double!"

"It's an hour drive!" The man gasped.

"Then step on it!"

They speed through San Jose, and reached Kate's house in record time, according the cabbie. Jack paid him ninety dollars on his Visa. "Stay here." He ordered, just in case Kate rejected him. He hurt her. He rejected her first. What if she didn't want him anymore? But despite Jacks order the driver said he had to go back to the airport and took off. Jack frowned. He had tipped him so well. But no matter, because Jack was suddenly overwhelmed with fear. What if Kate did reject him? Could he take it? _I'll guess you'll have to find out._ He thought.

He ran up the stairs and rang the doorbell, praying someone, anyone, would answer. No one did. Jack stepped back into the rain and looked at the house. There were no signs of life. No car parked outside on the street and no lights on. It was pretty big actually. It was a deep brown and had a side porch. Jack noticed the little tricycle and smiled, thinking of Kate's niece. _She'll make a beautiful mother._ He thought automatically. He had a surge of inspiration and rang the doorbell again. He quickly moved and rang the doorbell again. Still, no answer. He frowned and rang again. He thought he heard something from inside but wasn't entirely sure. He started the door down hard. He shivered.

"Look," he whispered to himself. "you came all the way here…and now you are getting rained on and she isn't even home. Go to a hotel. You can come back tomorrow when it's sunny, and sit outside her door till she comes out or goes in. Don't worry." He took a step away from the door. But then he changed his mind and rang one more time. "God, Kate, answer the damn door."

He paused but no one came. He walked down the long steps on the lawn and onto the street.

*

Kate stood in the doorway, her heart stopping.

"Jack!" She ran out a few a steps and stood in the rain, watching him. He turned around.


	15. Chapter 15: First Kiss

"Jack!" He heard. Jack looked down the street and turned around. He didn't have time to think about anything. Words came flooding to his mind. "_When his eyes met mine I felt something click, like a key turning in a lock. Believe me, I'm no romantic, and while I've heard all about love at first sight. I've never believed in it, and I still don't. But even so, there was something there, something unrecognizably real and I couldn't look away."_

He started up at her.

"Jack!" Kate started at him in the rain. He took a few cautious steps forward and Kate did as well. "Jack!" She said again. She couldn't feel her heart. Not the pain, but not happiness either. Only fear of what he was going to do.

Jack knew he had to say something, anything to make her stay. Make her know that he's sorry.

He said it. "You're beautiful!" Kate raised her eyebrows and Jack frowned. Both knew that wasn't what he had planned on saying. He took a few steps towards her again. And then he yelled what he had meant to say. "I write letters, to this woman. She lives in San Jose. I write to her because I suffer from clinical depression. I suffered from clinical depression. I thought that writing to her she might say something to make it all go away. But she didn't. She became that something. She made me better. And I love her! I love her so much. And I want to spend the rest of my life with her!"

He watched Kate. She chuckled slightly. "God, Jack, that had better be me you are talking about!"

Kate flung herself down the stairs and Jack ran to meet her. She leapt into his arms and he held up. Her pants strained against her body as she stretched into the awkward position. But it didn't feel awkward on Jack. It felt right. Their lips met, and the two lovers shared their first kiss.

The End

**I just wanted to thank you to all my really loyal readers who reviewed pretty much every single chapter! Your reviews mean so much to me! And please look out for my new story, its called Drunk Love, it'll up when I get back in September!! Again, thank you soooo much!!**


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